Menu
Parenting
Rekindling Your Pre-Kids Relationship Takes Effort
by Emily Harper
Updated: Sep. 29, 2023
Originally Published: Sep. 29, 2023
For many parents, it’s crucial to remember the relationship they had before the arrival of children. There are distinct phases in relationships: the time “Before Kids” and the period “After Kids.” Even if you’ve been with the same partner throughout both stages, the dynamics of your relationship can shift dramatically. A recent post by mom Jessica Lee serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of nurturing the connection you once had.
In her post, Lee encourages parents to carve out moments of calm amid the chaos of parenting. She writes, “One day, you’ll wake up and question your happiness. Why doesn’t this feel right anymore?” This realization often stems from the shift in daily conversations—from, “What do you want to do today? Where should we go for dinner?” to “Can you change the baby’s diaper? Can you help me tidy up?” This shift can leave couples feeling disconnected from the adventurous spirits they once embodied.
Indeed, transitioning from a carefree couple to a busy family can drastically limit the time you have to focus on each other. Once the kids are asleep, exhaustion often takes over, making meaningful conversation seem impossible. As Lee notes, this can lead to feelings of neglect.
So how can couples reconnect with their former selves?
“Set aside some time each day to talk about something other than the kids, work, or finances,” Lee advises. “Ask your partner about their day and truly listen to their response. Don’t dismiss the stress each of you carries daily or compare challenges. Always revisit the memories of your first date and reignite that spark that fueled your romance. COMMUNICATE.”
She emphasizes the significance of these interactions: “I find I feel most connected to my partner during those quiet moments when we can chat freely about anything. Though it doesn’t happen often, when it does, it helps me forget the daily stresses for a while.”
Lee reflects on her own experience, where she and her spouse found it challenging to communicate once they became parents. “We were both juggling full-time jobs, and it felt like we were just coexisting instead of connecting,” she shares. “We often pointed fingers instead of addressing the root of our issues.” It was only after realizing how much she missed her partner that they agreed to focus on their relationship rather than their conflicts. “It’s surprising, even after six years, how much I learned about him that I never knew,” she adds.
Her most valuable advice? “LISTEN. Try to understand each other’s perspectives and find common ground.” She concludes her insightful post with a reminder: “Sometimes when you want to cry, laugh instead. Embrace the delightful mess that is your life together.”
For those navigating the transition to parenthood and wanting to explore fertility options, consider reading more about couples’ fertility journeys. Resources like Healthline also provide excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination, which may be helpful for your family planning.
In summary, it’s essential for couples to intentionally nurture their relationship, even amid the whirlwind of parenting. Making time for each other and engaging in meaningful conversations can help rekindle the connection that once defined your partnership.