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What Makes Motherhood So Stressful and Frustrating?
by Laura Jennings
Sep. 5, 2023
The morning began like any other. I rose before my partner and children, squeezed in a quick workout, and hopped in the shower. I had every intention of being calm and patient. I would handle whatever came my way without losing my cool.
After packing the kids’ lunches, feeding the dogs, and reminding my children to brush their teeth and tidy up the bathroom, I faced yet another surprise: dog poop in the living room. Ugh. Deep breaths. I will not lose my cool.
I scrolled through my emails and social media, encountering a mix of humblebrags, alarming news headlines, and a few snarky comments on my latest post. Let it go. More deep breaths.
As I unloaded the dishwasher, I spotted chipped plates and a trail of ants behind the coffee machine, courtesy of a yogurt container left on the counter. Why can’t anyone in this house clean up after themselves? Why am I always the one doing everything? Why are there so many ants?
“Can you please brush your teeth and clean the bathroom counter?” I asked my kids once more. My partner reminded me he had a work commitment and wouldn’t be around for the evening chaos of homework, dinner, and bedtime. Deep breaths.
I listened to my kids bicker over the last Eggo waffle, stepped on a stray Lego, and navigated around dirty socks strewn across the kitchen floor.
“Brush your teeth,” I insisted. “Wipe down the kitchen counter.”
The kids continued their shouting over that waffle. The phone rang, the dogs barked—no, howled—and I felt my blood pressure rising. My mind raced with worries about our latest credit card bill, the broken tail light on the car, and a tense conversation I’d had with a family member. The messes—so many messes—multiplied into concerns about finances, vacation plans, and my kids’ struggles at school until…
“CAN YOU TWO JUST STOP ARGUING FOR ONE MINUTE AND BRUSH YOUR FREAKING TEETH! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO ASK YOU? DO YOU EVER LISTEN?! NO! WHY DOESN’T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME! GO NOW!”
My kids froze, and I stormed off to the bathroom, slamming the door, feeling that familiar mix of relief and guilt that follows an outburst.
What is it about motherhood that stirs such tension and anger within me?
Typically, I consider myself a fairly laid-back person—or at least I try to be. Yet, despite my best efforts, it feels as though a switch flips from calm mother to raging lunatic in an instant.
Sometimes, it’s the sheer chaos of living with young children that gets under my skin. Nothing is ever organized. There are constant messes, fingerprints, and stains on every wall. I’ve cleaned up more spills and accidents than anyone should have to in a lifetime.
Other times, anxiety is the root cause of my anger. Financial worries, stress from work, and fears that things are worse than they are all pile up. Everyday inconveniences like being late for work or wondering why a friend hasn’t replied become overwhelming. Then there are the genuine fears—plane crashes, car accidents, and systemic issues that weigh heavily on my mind.
Often, it’s the lack of sleep and a racing mind that contribute to my irritation.
However, I believe a significant factor lies in the unpredictability and disorder that accompany motherhood. There are moments when everything feels utterly out of control, and it becomes too much to bear.
I don’t want to feel this way, and I know I’m not alone in this struggle. I have coping strategies in place: I see a therapist, take anti-anxiety medication, and practice self-care through exercise. Yet, despite these tools, I still lose my temper more often than I’d like. It’s a work in progress. I’m a work in progress.
I’m learning to accept the chaos instead of trying to dictate it. I’m also working on identifying my specific triggers—such as clutter, job stress, and insecurities—so I can tackle those issues rather than exploding at my kids over scattered Legos. Patience and grace are essential, both with my children and myself.
Although I don’t have a clear answer for why motherhood can make me feel so tense and angry, I am committed to making changes. Because as overwhelming as anxiety, frustration, and anger can be, the love I have for my children—the unconditional, immeasurable love—is far greater. That’s what I want them to cherish in their memories.
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Summary
Motherhood can be a source of significant tension and frustration for many parents, often stemming from chaos, anxiety, and the stress of daily life. While it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and lose patience, recognizing the triggers of these emotions can help parents manage their reactions. Embracing chaos and focusing on love can create a more positive environment for children.