It’s 4:30 p.m., and my partner is still not home. No calls, no texts, no prior mention of staying late. As a public school teacher, his typical arrival time is around 3:45 p.m. Anxiety sets in.
Rationally, I know a student or parent likely kept him longer, but my mind is racing with thoughts of him in a catastrophic accident. I worry he hasn’t listed me as an emergency contact because I’m not under “wife” but a college nickname. Why did he do that?
I convince myself that his mother would reach out to me if something were wrong. But what if his phone is damaged beyond repair? How could I navigate life without him? We have three children. We have life insurance, but is it enough? Can I get the house presentable for a funeral?
Panic grips me as I look around. How could I possibly go to work? I can’t even manage to cook a simple meal. My heart races, hands tremble, and I flip on a mindless TV show for the kids while I repeatedly try to call him. Each unanswered ring amplifies my fear. Just as I’m about to call hospitals, my phone buzzes.
“I had a parent,” he states, no preamble. He understands my panic. “I’m so sorry.”
“Just text me,” I say through gritted teeth, frustration bubbling over. “Just. Text me. I thought you were dead.”
This is the reality of anxiety that often goes undiscussed. We might joke about “overprotective parents” or those who obsess over every little ailment, but the truth is, this is the life of someone living with an anxiety disorder. Our minds are perpetually on edge, scanning for threats—whether to ourselves or our loved ones.
A simple stomach ache after overindulging in dessert becomes a harbinger of illness. Logically, I know it’s just too much cheesecake, but my anxious mind spirals into thoughts of a stomach bug brewing. I’m left praying that I don’t spread it to my family while I prepare for the worst.
Every headache is a potential migraine or worse; every small injury could lead to a dire scenario. This relentless anxiety is exhausting, yet so many of us suffer in silence, afraid of being seen as irrational. If someone you love grapples with anxiety, know that this fear of impending doom is likely part of their daily life.
And then there are the children. Kids stumble, they scrape their knees and bump their heads. When they fall, I instantly envision broken bones, and when they hit their teeth, I assume an emergency dental visit is imminent. Even a simple splash in the water sends my heart racing, fearing the worst—a rare and deadly amoeba lurking in the depths.
What about food choices? A recent study linked hot dog consumption to increased cancer risk, and I think about it every time I serve those quick meals. Fast food? That’s a recipe for academic failure in my mind. Screen time? It’s linked to health issues. Anxiety can be relentless, and I often wish for an internet filter to shield us from this overwhelming information.
Yet, I am making progress. With the help of medication, I’ve learned to manage my fears. No longer do I hurl desperate pleas at my partner when he leaves, but that doesn’t mean the pang of anxiety doesn’t still hit when he walks out the door. Each goodbye lingers with the fear of “What if I never see him again?”
This fear is a constant companion for those of us living with anxiety disorders. It’s a harsh reality, and I want you to know you are not alone. Many of us share this burden—the fear of sickness, loss, and the unshakeable worry that comes with it.
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In summary, anxiety often manifests as a fear of losing loved ones and grappling with health concerns. For those who live with it, every day can feel like a battle, but it’s crucial to know that you’re not fighting alone.