It begins with a significant life change—a major transition like welcoming a new child into your family. For me, it started after the birth of my third child. Initially, I chalked it up to the stress of managing three little ones. But over time, I found myself erupting with anger over trivial matters.
It wasn’t just the big incidents, like my 4-year-old painting the walls. Even the minor mishaps, such as my 2-year-old dumping out a box of Duplos, would send me into a frenzy. The sound of those blocks crashing onto the floor was enough to trigger a wave of frustration. I could feel my nerves straining with every clatter. Even simple requests, like “Mama, I’m hungry,” could set off a storm of rage. “But you just ate!” I would retort from the couch while nursing the baby. “Can’t you grab a banana yourself?”
Afterward, guilt consumed me. I adored my children and never intended to hurt their feelings. Yet, the shouting continued, and I began to question my character. I thought I had developed an anger issue, believing I was a terrible person, and I felt isolated. Who treats their children this way? Who experiences such feelings? Little did I know, my anxiety disorder was manifesting itself as anger, not rage.
I wasn’t angry; I was terrified.
We all learn in different ways. It could be an article you stumble upon online or a conversation with a friend. For me, it was my psychiatrist. During a check-up for my postpartum anxiety, I finally admitted my struggles. “I feel awful for my kids,” I cried. “I lack patience and can’t manage them. They deserve more.”
“It’s all part of the same anxiety disorder,” she reassured me softly. “Anxiety can manifest as stress, which then leads to anger. You’re not mad at your kids; you’re scared. This is very common.”
In that moment, I let the tears flow. Not only was I not alone, but I was also a typical mom dealing with anxiety—an affliction that, like many, I was unaware of. If you find yourself shouting at your kids without reason, or feeling overwhelmed by anger, know that you’re not isolated in your experience.
That validation transformed my outlook on my situation. Three years later, I remain on medication for anxiety, which has evolved from postpartum anxiety to generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). I didn’t suddenly become an angry person—I was simply anxious. Perhaps the clattering Duplos filled me with frustration because I felt overwhelmed by the chaos at home. My son’s request for food while I was nursing ignited my anger because I feared I couldn’t meet his needs.
I can see the pattern now—the tension builds, panic rises, and suddenly anger takes over. Clutter, in particular, can lead many of us into a spiral of rage. If you share this anxiety, you know the feeling: a dread that once you lose control, you can never regain it.
I’ve lived through chaos, and I dread returning to that state. Children naturally create messes, and we all know they can turn a tidy room into a disaster in mere minutes. Though we understand this logically, it still infuriates us. The root of this rage often lies not in their actions but in our own fears.
Picture this: you’re racing to get out the door in the morning. Your youngest has misplaced his shoes, and frustration mounts. Once outside, you realize you’ve forgotten the car keys, forcing you to leave the kids behind while you hunt for them in the clutter of your home. You’re running late, and the anger builds again. When your child struggles to climb into his car seat, all that pent-up frustration bursts out: “Why can’t you do this right? You’re not a baby!” His trembling lip breaks your heart, and you wish you could explain that your anger isn’t truly aimed at him; it’s about feeling anxious and overwhelmed.
This is the reality of living with an anxiety disorder that manifests as stress and anger. Every day is a battle to keep emotions in check, manage chaos, and ask ourselves, “What am I really feeling?” It’s exhausting. Sometimes, we lose that battle, yell, and lash out at those we love most—those we would do anything for.
And that, perhaps, is the most painful part of it all.
For those of you who relate to this experience, you are not alone. If you’re looking for more information on managing anxiety or exploring options like home insemination, check out resources like this article or this guide on IVF. You can also learn more about parenting challenges at this helpful link.
Summary:
Navigating the complexities of motherhood can sometimes lead to unexpected feelings of anger, especially when anxiety is involved. Recognizing that these emotions often stem from anxiety can help mothers understand their experiences better. It’s crucial to seek support and resources to manage these feelings effectively and not feel alone in the journey.