When my eldest son, Alex, was in first grade, we resorted to using school lunch as a form of punishment. He is an incredibly picky eater, and I don’t mean picky in a health-conscious way. His diet consists mainly of a few select items: cereal, mac and cheese, candy, and pistachios. It’s astonishing how narrow his food choices are, and I can’t entirely blame myself for it. I, too, have my own picky tendencies. While I’ve learned to tolerate various dishes at friends’ homes, I’d prefer to survive on breakfast cereal and diet soda if given the choice. I mention this because I can relate to Alex’s fear of school lunches, and I genuinely feel for his future partner, as his eating habits can drive my partner, Lisa, up the wall.
I can’t definitively say that school lunches are worse today than they were in the ’90s. Maybe they were never that terrible; perhaps it was just my own anxiety about relinquishing control over what I ate. The thought of being limited to two options—lasagna or meatloaf, both served with half-frozen tater tots—was daunting. Regardless, Alex insisted on a packed lunch every single day, and the idea of attending school without it was nearly as frightening to him as facing a dark cave.
The incident that triggered this punishment occurred one evening when he flatly refused to clean his room. Our three-bedroom apartment meant that any clutter was glaringly obvious. As he stubbornly crossed his arms and narrowed his blue eyes, I glanced at his packed lunch and declared, “Fine. If you won’t clean your room, you can eat school lunch tomorrow.”
He didn’t throw a tantrum, but the anguish in his eyes was palpable. As a parent, I know I shouldn’t take pleasure in my child’s distress, yet it’s hard not to feel a sense of satisfaction when you find the one button to push for results. Some parents restrict allowance or screen time, but for us, school lunch became our secret weapon—a twisted blade in the battle of parenting.
I picked up the lunch bag as if I were about to do something dreadful. After years of searching for effective consequences, I had finally stumbled upon a motivator. Alex wasn’t a bad kid, but nothing is more exasperating than a child who won’t do simple tasks like tidying up, doing homework, or brushing their teeth. You try to impose a punishment, thinking it’ll teach them a lesson, only to have them respond with a shrug, as if to say, “Is that the best you can do?”
So, he cleaned his room, and for a while, school lunch remained a punishment for Alex. Eventually, it extended to our middle child as well. I can already hear the judgment from the “perfect” parents who might argue that using school lunch as a punishment is akin to corporal punishment. Perhaps I’m dooming my children to become terrible eaters or creating an unhealthy association between food and chores.
But here’s the twist: after a couple of years of this strategy, one day Alex simply shrugged and said, “That’s fine. I like school lunch.” In that moment, I felt as if I had lost my ultimate weapon. However, the realization hit me the next day just how remarkable his statement was. This child, who once shunned anything beyond his limited menu, was now comfortable eating school lunch. Although he remains somewhat picky, he has expanded his tastes since then. Anyone who has witnessed a picky child struggling to swallow a bean burrito understands how significant this shift is.
Now in fourth grade, Alex no longer packs a lunch; he happily eats what’s offered at school. Sometimes parenting takes unexpected turns. In my attempt to encourage him to do his chores, he has become a more adventurous eater. I can’t say I planned it that way, but it worked out. Now I just need to come up with a new punishment for the next time he refuses to tidy up.
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In summary, what began as a struggle with picky eating transformed into a positive development for my son. School lunch, once a source of dread, has become an integral part of his school experience, demonstrating that sometimes, unexpected parenting tactics can yield great results.
Keyphrase: school lunch transformation
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