Last weekend, I unexpectedly found myself with a few hours of solitude. My youngest daughter was at a friend’s house for a sleepover, my older daughter was out for dinner with her pals, and my husband had gone to the gym. You’d think having the house to myself would be a dream come true for any mom, but instead, I felt strangely anxious.
Was I behind on work projects? Perhaps, but nothing was urgent. Did I have emails waiting for a response? A handful, but again, not pressing. Did the house need tidying up? Sure, but it was in reasonably good shape according to my “good enough” standards.
I could have used that time to binge-watch my favorite show or dive into a novel. I could have indulged in a long, relaxing shower or even enjoyed a nap. Instead, I spent the time fretting over unfinished tasks, inventing new projects, and allowing my mind to spiral into a whirlwind of anxious thoughts.
This is the core reason why moms feel perpetually busy. Our minds are always racing. We never truly feel “done.” There’s a perpetual list of things we think we should be doing, and our hearts are in constant motion as well.
Understanding Emotional Labor
Emotional labor is a well-discussed topic in the realm of parenting and partnerships. We often wish our partners would take the initiative rather than waiting for us to delegate tasks. We lament the fact that we’re often the ones managing the family calendar and keeping track of everything that needs to be done.
However, it goes beyond mere logistics. It’s the emotional energy we invest—not just in planning and organizing, but in genuinely caring about every detail. Our minds aren’t the only things on overdrive; our hearts are, too.
Whether it’s work commitments, volunteer roles, or the daily responsibilities of motherhood, we pour our hearts into everything we do. After all, what could be more significant to us than our role as mothers?
Even when we’re not actively engaged in the physical demands of motherhood, we expend vast amounts of emotional energy worrying about our loved ones. We aren’t just busy with tasks and thoughts; we’re also busy feeling deeply. This emotional busyness is exhausting.
The Gender Divide in Emotional Engagement
While this phenomenon isn’t exclusive to mothers, it seems to affect us more intensely than it does fathers or those without children. Men, despite being emotionally invested in their roles, often seem better equipped to compartmentalize their feelings. When they’re with their kids, they’re fully committed; when they’re at work, they’re focused on that.
In contrast, as moms, we seem to carry the weight of everything all the time. Even when I’m away from my children, I worry about their meals or whether they’re upset that I’m not home to read them a bedtime story. When I’m not working, I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something I should be doing to improve the situation. Saying “no” to a volunteer opportunity often leaves me feeling guilty for not contributing enough.
This constant emotional engagement is why moms frequently report feeling so busy and utterly drained. Even during rare moments of downtime, we expend energy worrying, caring, and fretting, essentially carrying the emotional burden of the world.
Further Reading
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In summary, the emotional toll of motherhood is profound and often overlooked. The constant juggling of responsibilities, coupled with our innate desire to care deeply, leaves many moms feeling perpetually exhausted.