By: Olivia Thompson
Updated: June 24, 2020
Originally Published: April 30, 2018
As a young girl, I often felt a whirlwind of anxiety and confusion. It took me years to realize that my emotional state was not typical, and I mistakenly believed it was my fault. Through extensive therapy and self-discovery, I eventually traced these feelings back to my relationship with my mother. This marked the beginning of my struggle to redefine a bond that had always been fraught with tension, a bond I naively thought would come naturally.
The truth is, mother-daughter relationships can be incredibly challenging for many individuals. However, mine felt particularly tumultuous. In my 20s, upon beginning therapy and recognizing the dysfunction in our dynamic, I made what seemed to be the only logical decision: I distanced myself from my mother. This was no easy feat; it was a daily struggle, especially during holidays and special occasions. I grappled with overwhelming guilt and sorrow as I tried to process my feelings. Was I a terrible person for severing ties with my own mother? Why did it appear that everyone else had harmonious relationships with theirs? What was wrong with me?
Over time, as I focused on my personal growth, I considered re-establishing contact with my mother. However, I approached this with caution, setting clear boundaries and remaining mindful in every interaction. Reconnecting with her eased my guilt and made me feel more ordinary, yet I soon found myself emotionally drained. Despite the apparent improvements, I was once again in a state of high alert, reminiscent of my childhood.
Last summer, during a family visit, I found myself feeling trapped in a situation that felt all too familiar. Unlike before, I now had a family that depended on me; I couldn’t afford to retreat into my shell. So, I made a bold choice.
I ghosted my mother.
While it wasn’t a walk in the park, it was significantly simpler than when I had done it in my 20s. In truth, it was an immense relief to finally let go. I released the pressure of trying to establish perfect boundaries and the burden of crafting a healthy relationship. I stopped attempting to mold her into the mother I longed for and simply let go.
There are still moments of sadness, particularly when I reflect on the emotional absence of a nurturing mother throughout my life—especially now that I am a mother myself. However, managing a toxic relationship that is emotionally draining can be detrimental to your mental health. I am no longer the confused child; I am a responsible adult with my own family.
When that familiar situation arose last summer, leaving me feeling bewildered and ashamed for no reason, I knew it was time to act. I blocked her number, filtered her texts into oblivion, and disconnected from her on social media. I no longer acknowledge her cards or gifts.
In the year since I made this decision, my self-esteem has soared. I ventured into business with my best friend and reignited my passion for writing. Without my mother in my life, I feel liberated and empowered to embrace my true self, recognizing that my unique qualities—intense emotions, unwavering loyalty, deep empathy, business acumen, and bursts of creativity—have space to thrive.
Since I made the choice to ghost my mother, I’ve discovered the freedom to be unapologetically me. For those navigating similar complexities, it’s crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being. If you’re interested in exploring options for family planning, consider checking out this home insemination kit as a resource. Additionally, you can find valuable insights on this topic at Modern Family Blog or learn more about assisted reproductive techniques through this Wikipedia article.
Summary:
The journey of redefining my relationship with my mother has been complex and emotionally charged. After years of therapy, I made the difficult decision to distance myself for my own well-being. This choice led to significant personal growth and the realization that I can thrive without the emotional turmoil of our past. Embracing my authentic self has been liberating, and I encourage others in similar situations to prioritize their mental health and seek out supportive resources.