Recently, I stumbled upon a captivating post from a friend on Instagram. It featured a close-up shot of a pristine glass brimming with a rich red wine, resting on her polished granite countertop in her elegantly designed kitchen. The wine shimmered, appearing almost luminescent.
As I gazed at the image, my mouth watered, and I could almost savor this exquisite vintage, likely Italian, especially since my friend is a talented chef and culinary enthusiast. After a taxing day filled with work and the chaos of an event I’m orchestrating, coupled with a lack of sleep and a husband away on business, I found myself envious of her moment of tranquility. I imagined she, too, had endured a long day, managing her three lively children, volunteering, teaching cooking classes, and actively participating in community events. Her post was simply captioned: Deserved.
That single word stirred something within me. While I understood the sentiment behind her caption—celebrating a well-earned moment of peace after a hectic day—I couldn’t shake a feeling of discomfort. Why do we, as women, feel we must justify our indulgences? Why must we earn the right to enjoy life’s simple pleasures?
My friend was merely sharing a cherished moment, one that highlights the hustle and bustle of her life. I admire her passion and dedication, and there’s no doubt she embodies the spirit of feminism. But her choice of words resonated differently with me.
Women have been conditioned to believe what we do and do not deserve. We hear that we deserve negative experiences based on our choices—wearing a short skirt, for example, somehow invites unwanted attention. We’re told we don’t deserve equal pay for equal work, simply because of our gender. The notion of deserving is often tied to the idea of earning; we must pay our dues before we can enjoy life’s luxuries.
Consider the countless women who express gratitude to their partners for “allowing” them to take a moment for themselves. Phrases like “Thanks to my husband for watching the kids so I could finally take a shower” imply a debt owed, reinforcing systemic gender inequality. Our desires, whether as simple as a shower or as intimate as a moment of relaxation, are often presented as luxuries rather than basic rights.
When we finally grant ourselves permission to enjoy a moment of respite, we label it “self-care.” It’s alarming that fundamental human necessities have morphed into a special category of care that we must earn. Taking a shower is self-care; enjoying a meal without interruption is self-care; spending time at Target solo is self-care. The term itself—self-care—places the responsibility squarely on our shoulders, as if we must negotiate our worthiness.
I’ve yet to see a man proclaim his fishing trip or golf game as “deserved” or hashtag it as #selfcare. Their posts are often more brash, boasting about their achievements without needing to explain themselves. They don’t feel compelled to justify their leisure time; they simply take it.
Why do so many women feel that enjoying a glass of wine is only justified if we have earned it? Why can’t we relish a moment of quiet or a night out without feeling guilty?
What women truly deserve are essentials like equal pay, fair maternity leave, and reliable childcare. We deserve comprehensive healthcare and the autonomy to make choices about our own bodies. We should never have to face violence or discrimination simply for existing. We deserve respect, no matter our roles—be it nurturing children, managing households, or excelling in our careers. And yes, we absolutely deserve that glass of wine whenever we choose, without needing to justify it.
Ladies, we do not need permission to take what we want or need. Our desires are valid simply because we exist. Let’s reclaim the narrative and remember that we are enough, just as we are.
Summary
The article challenges the notion that women must earn their indulgences and highlights the need for women to reclaim their right to enjoy life without justification. It critiques societal norms that dictate what women deserve and emphasizes the importance of self-worth and equality.