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By Alex Monroe
April 17, 2018
At eight months pregnant with twins, I was in a daze. The days dragged on, and the nights felt endless. Sleep was a distant memory. Every trip to the bathroom left my legs numb, and my swollen ankles could have brought tears to my eyes (my pedicurist was visibly shocked when I took off my boots). The pelvic pain was relentless, and let’s just say I had perfected a rather unique waddle.
Then came the moment I had been anticipating. At 1:30 a.m. on the first day of my 37th week, my water broke. I dashed around my home, frantically trying to prepare while amniotic fluid soaked our carpet. I was a mess, dressed in oversized red plaid pajama pants (borrowed from my husband) and a mismatched blue polka dot shirt. Panic set in about my appearance as I considered heading to the hospital.
Instead of changing, I called my mother, who managed to calm me down. I had thought that once my water broke, it was time to rush to the hospital. I was terrified I would have to deliver my twins in the car. I quickly grabbed a bath towel and a trash bag to protect our car seats.
The C-section was performed at 3:15 a.m., but the surgery took a terrifying turn. The anesthesiologist, unaware of my height, didn’t deliver the spinal block high enough, causing me to feel everything. That was the longest sixty seconds of my life, filled with unbearable pain that surpassed even my labor experience with my first child.
Once it was over, I was blessed with two beautiful boys. One was placed in my arms immediately, while the other was whisked away to the NICU due to complications from aspirating meconium-stained amniotic fluid. I felt the joy of motherhood wash over me with one baby, yet my heart ached for the other. I was desperate to bond with both, but I was consumed by the worry of the one who was not by my side. After some coaxing, I convinced a nurse to let me see my NICU baby, but I fainted while trying to get to the bathroom, which led to them restricting my movement.
Navigating the emotions of being a new mother to twins was a rollercoaster. After five days in the hospital, we finally went home. I had only held my NICU baby a couple of times before our departure. The sight of my husband carrying a second car seat as we left was overwhelming. I can’t fathom the experience of a mother with triplets or more—my mind boggles at that level of chaos.
Once home, I struggled to connect with my NICU baby, feeling a wave of guilt wash over me. Just hours post-surgery, I began pumping milk to compensate for not nursing both boys. My schedule became a blur of pumping every four hours and nursing every hour, with each baby eating every two hours but on opposite schedules. Sleep became a luxury I couldn’t afford, with only about 45 minutes each night.
In a bid for sanity, we moved in with my in-laws, where my mother-in-law took turns caring for each baby at night. The loss of control as a twin mom was humbling. I realized I couldn’t do things my way. I had to enforce a schedule to maintain any semblance of order in our lives. There were moments where I had to distance myself emotionally, letting one baby cry while tending to the other, which was heart-wrenching.
Having twins as my first children fundamentally altered my parenting approach. There was no “first baby syndrome” here; the reality of caring for two babies at once meant I couldn’t cater to every single cry. While this forced balance has been beneficial, I often feel as though I treated my twins more like second children due to the circumstances we faced. This forced adjustment can feel unsettling, especially since I now have a singleton and find myself enjoying that experience even more. I often wished away the twins’ baby phase, yearning for them to be older when things would be easier.
Having two babies at the same stage of development brings a unique set of challenges. Despite my insistence that they would grow and develop at their own pace, I still found myself comparing their milestones. The simultaneous needs of two infants are physically and emotionally exhausting. I grappled with guilt over my relationships with each baby, feeling pressure to bond equally.
Parenting twins introduces a new dynamic to family life, creating a different kind of psychological strain on parents. I can’t claim it’s more challenging than raising three children at different ages, but it’s undeniably a different experience. For those considering parenthood, whether through natural means or options like intrauterine insemination, you can find valuable resources at Cleveland Clinic’s IUI page or explore home insemination kits for more insights. To further understand the complexities of parenting multiples, check out this article from Modern Family Blog.
In summary, raising twins presents a unique blend of challenges and invaluable lessons that shape your parenting journey in ways you might never expect.