Hello, I’m a mom, and I struggle with alcoholism. I certainly don’t fit the stereotype. As a 36-year-old, middle-class, educated woman who attends church regularly, I don’t resemble the traditional image of an alcoholic. Yet, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I carry the alcohol dependency gene.
I come from a family with a history of alcohol use. My father was an alcoholic who managed to quit drinking when I was just a baby. I’ve never felt embarrassed by his struggles; I view alcoholism as a genetic disorder rather than a moral failing. Unfortunately, I’ve inherited that same faulty “off” switch.
My relationship with alcohol has always been tumultuous. It was akin to a toxic relationship I couldn’t escape. For years, I found myself trapped in a cycle of binge drinking, followed by attempts to moderate my consumption, only to eventually overindulge again. It was a continuous rinse-and-repeat process.
When I found myself regretting my choices, I would set strict rules for myself, vowing to control my drinking. “From now on, I’ll only drink on weekends,” I’d tell myself. “I’ll avoid hard liquor and stick to beer.” However, these self-imposed rules never worked because the core issue wasn’t external; it was all in my brain. When your “off” switch is broken, no amount of rule-setting will bring it back to life. I’ve learned that I’m essentially allergic to alcohol.
While most people can enjoy a drink and stop, that’s not the case for me. The moment I take a sip, my brain thinks, “This is fantastic! Time for more!” I’ve even found myself in ridiculous situations, like challenging strangers to dance battles after a few drinks. (Spoiler alert: I was victorious!)
It took me a while to accept that I had an alcohol allergy. There were times when I managed to drink moderately, which led me to believe I had it under control. But I never knew what version of myself would show up when alcohol was involved. Would I be “Moderate Mary,” or the wild and reckless “Binge Betty”?
I’ve never been dependent on alcohol in a way that interfered with my job or relationships, nor have I encountered legal troubles. However, as the Alcoholics Anonymous literature reminds us, the disease is progressive. The body seeks balance, and what starts as heavy drinking can evolve into substance dependence. If you relate to this, remember to add “yet” to your justifications: “I haven’t had a DUI—yet.”
I never hit rock bottom, but I could see it in the distance. Thankfully, I chose to end my relationship with alcohol before reaching that point.
Sobriety hasn’t been a walk in the park. Alcohol is everywhere these days—at sporting events, brunches, and even children’s birthday parties. When I refuse a drink, people often assume I’m pregnant or acting superior, which can be quite awkward. The reality is, navigating the world sober is challenging. Without liquid courage, I’ve turned to prayer, meditation, and indulging in carbs for comfort. Stress eating has become my go-to alternative to drinking.
If you’ve battled with alcohol yourself, I want you to know that you are not alone. You are not a failure, nor are you a loser. Perhaps today is the day you acknowledge your own “off” switch isn’t functioning. If so, let’s support one another together. When you feel tempted, join me for snacks at that next football game, brunch, or birthday celebration. We can reassure everyone that we’re not expecting!
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In summary, being a mom and an alcoholic is a complex journey filled with challenges. Acknowledging the struggle is the first step toward healing and finding support.