We all have our fears—some of us dread spiders, while others may be terrified of the dark. During my time teaching high school English, I encountered students who were paralyzed by the mere thought of public speaking. Fear is an inherent part of life, and it often shifts dramatically when we become parents.
For most parents, the greatest fear revolves around the safety of their children. It’s a fear that haunts us in the quiet of night, making our hearts race whenever we let our little ones out of sight. The thought of losing a child is unfathomable, yet when tragedy does strike, we often find ourselves quick to judge rather than to offer compassion.
In 2016, a heartbreaking incident occurred when a two-year-old boy named Alex was taken by an alligator at a Disney resort while his parents watched in horror. In another tragic event, a five-year-old named Ben lost his life after becoming trapped in a restaurant booth in Atlanta. More recently, a boy named Max, just shy of his fourth birthday, died after choking on a bouncy ball as his mother desperately tried to save him.
Accidents happen in countless ways—children fall from tractors, collide with trees while sledding, or suffer severe allergic reactions that their parents weren’t aware of. So how should we respond as parents? Should we wrap our children in cotton wool to shield them from every potential danger? Would it be wise to eliminate all toys from our homes or restrict them from enjoying the world around them?
When I learned about Alex’s tragic fate, my heart broke. Having visited Disney myself, I found myself questioning whether I would have allowed my kids near the water. Would I have taken them to that rotating restaurant? Certainly, even knowing that my son, like Ben, might not sit still amidst the excitement. Yes, we have bouncy balls in our house. My children even ride tractors with their grandfather, and while my son has a nut allergy, we still venture out into the world, aware that the unimaginable could occur at any moment. We take precautions—seat belts, helmets, and an EpiPen are always at hand. We are no different from the parents of Alex, Ben, and Max.
The reality is that none of us are immune to accidents or tragedy. None of us can claim that our children are completely safe. So why, then, do we so readily judge grieving parents in their darkest moments? Why do we hurl comments like “You should have known better than to let him swim” at Alex’s father, who bravely tried to save his son? Or criticize Ben’s parents with “You should have kept a closer eye on your child”? Or question Max’s mother with, “Why did you have bouncy balls in the house? Don’t you realize they are choking hazards?”
Surely, these parents are aware of the risks. Don’t you think they would do anything to turn back time and make different choices? To avoid that restaurant? To keep their child on their lap? To have never bought those bouncy balls?
What do we gain from judging parents who are already suffering immeasurable loss? Does it make us feel more secure about our own fears? By directing our insecurities toward those already in pain, we only perpetuate a cycle of blame rather than offering the compassion they need.
The truth is, none of us can confidently say, “That would never happen to me.” Perhaps you live in an area where alligators are a known threat, and you’d never allow your child to play near water. But what happens when a different tragedy strikes? Whether it’s a tornado in Nebraska or another unforeseen disaster, we cannot predict how tragedy will manifest in our lives. After all, if you were to face a similar crisis, the grieving parents of Alex, Ben, and Max would not judge you; they would empathize with your plight.
In solidarity with families like theirs, I tied a blue ribbon to a tree in my front yard when I heard about Alex’s passing. It was my way of mourning alongside them and channeling my fears into something meaningful. Each time I blow out birthday candles or toss a coin into a fountain, I wish for my children to live long, healthy lives. It’s a wish I know many parents share, especially those who have suffered loss.
In conclusion, let’s strive to be more compassionate. Instead of pointing fingers, let’s extend our hearts to those who are grieving—transforming our fears into empathy.
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