“How have you been?” I inquire, stealing a quick glance at the clock on my phone.
I’ve unexpectedly crossed paths with a friend I haven’t seen in ages, and we’re both zipping through the grocery store like we’re in a race.
Spotting her in the snack aisle ignites a pang of nostalgia. It’s been too long since we caught up. I genuinely feel joy seeing her.
“I’ve been so busy!” she exclaims, her yoga pants and tousled hair mirroring my own chaotic look, as she dives into a detailed account of every obligation that has filled her days.
Soccer practice, school events, work commitments—the list seems endless.
Standing there, I find myself waiting for her to finish, but instead of focusing on her life updates, my mind wanders to how I can top her busy schedule.
“Oh, she thinks she’s busy?” I think to myself. “She only works part-time, and her kids are older than mine…” My thoughts drift as she continues her monologue about her packed agenda.
When she finally stops, she looks at me expectantly, as if waiting for me to share my own list of overwhelming tasks.
“So, what’s new with you?” she prompts, her tone suggesting she’s eager for me to confirm that I’m also swamped with responsibilities.
And that realization saddens me.
This is what many friendships have devolved into among mothers—competing over who can be busier. We seem determined to outdo one another, as if busyness is a badge of honor that proves our worth as moms.
Let’s be blunt. This glorification of busyness is toxic, and it’s damaging our friendships.
No one truly wins at being busy. When we reflect on our lives and the whirlwind of activities that fill our schedules, we must ask ourselves: Are we busy because we want to be, or is it because we feel pressure to keep up? Are we overscheduling our kids to compete with other moms? Are we burdening ourselves with PTA duties to justify our choice to stay home?
What do we really mean when we tell friends we’re busy instead of sharing our true feelings? If we’re honest, many of us would admit to feeling overwhelmed by the myriad activities we’ve willingly piled onto our plates.
Years ago, I read an insightful article in the New York Times by Tim Krieder titled “The Busy Trap.” He discusses our instinct to validate our existence through how many tasks we can fit into our lives. As he articulates, “…obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.”
Think about that for a moment.
What are we really conveying when we tell our friends we’re too busy to spare a few minutes for a chat? When we brag about our hectic schedules, we’re often attempting to appear important while masking our feelings of inadequacy. We’re trying to cover up the mundane aspects of motherhood that can sometimes feel downright unbearable. When we claim “I’m so busy!” what we’re insinuating is “I’m more in demand than you!”
Is that really the message we want to send? Do we genuinely want our busyness to hinder meaningful connections with our friends?
The answer is clear.
So, next time you see a friend and she asks how you’re doing, be honest. Share that you feel overwhelmed. Tell her about the thrilling new project at work that’s keeping you energized, or admit that signing your child up for the travel volleyball team may not have been the best choice, as your Friday nights are now a wreck.
Resist the urge to compete over who is busier.
Let’s be real here: no one is busier than anyone else. We all juggle our own lives, managing countless responsibilities. The societal pressure to be connected 24/7 and prioritize productivity over downtime weighs heavily on us all. We’ve all made questionable choices in terms of overscheduling our children and filling our calendars to the brim out of a misguided sense of worth.
We are all busy. And it’s a shame.
To explore more about the journey of parenthood and fertility, check out this engaging article on couples’ fertility journey. For those facing challenges related to pregnancy and home insemination, Johns Hopkins Medicine provides an excellent resource.
Summary
The glorification of busyness among mothers is damaging friendships and leading to feelings of inadequacy. Instead of competing over who is busier, we should be honest about our feelings and prioritize meaningful connections.