Parenting Insights
Updated: May 14, 2020
Originally Published: March 15, 2018
The other day, my son, Jake, lazily opened the silverware drawer to grab utensils for his breakfast at 8:58 a.m., despite my reminders that we were leaving the house at exactly 9 a.m. After several warnings, I took one look at him and lost my cool for what felt like an eternity.
He told me to calm down, skipped breakfast, and sulked for a bit. But here’s the thing: I didn’t care about his opinion at that moment. Just an hour earlier, while he was engrossed in a cartoon, I had reminded him again—twice, actually—that it was time to make his breakfast and prepare to leave. He assured me he would. Twenty minutes later, as I was finishing my own meal and getting ready upstairs, I had to remind him again, this time with a hint of frustration.
When I came down just two minutes before our departure time, he finally sprang into action. “Nope,” I said firmly. “You’ve had ample time for this, Jake. There’s no more time to waste.” At 14 and over 6 feet tall, I can’t physically force him to eat, but I can enforce consequences for his choices.
“It won’t take long,” he insisted. But after years of experience, I knew better. With his clumsiness, nothing takes him just a “second.” The mess he leaves behind is always part of the equation too.
When he began rummaging through the silverware drawer, I gripped the handle so tightly I thought it might break. “Get your coat and head out the door—we’re leaving now!” Yes, I was shouting. Yes, he asked why I always seemed to overreact. And yes, that only fueled my frustration further.
Here’s the reality: while I occasionally feel guilty when things escalate to this point, it often feels like losing my composure is the only way to communicate urgency to my kids. Jake and I have been in this cycle since he was a toddler, and my other two children have also learned to test my limits. It’s as if they think, “Mom’s not too upset yet; I can keep pushing until she reaches her breaking point.”
That’s when I go from calm to furious in a heartbeat. The irony is that all they see is a mom who overreacts about things like washing dishes or leaving the house on time. They conveniently forget all the reminders and conversations leading up to that moment.
They argue that it’s unfair for me to lose my cool so easily, but what’s truly unfair is that many moms feel they must raise their voices to prompt compliance. Part of me wonders if they enjoy pushing my buttons. After all, it seems more arduous to ignore instructions and deal with my wrath than to simply follow through the first time.
However, I’ve discovered a helpful approach. No mom enjoys starting her day with a sore throat from yelling at her kids to hurry up. Recently, when my son asked me for a ride to his friend’s house, he was anxious about being late to meet others at the skate park. I was busy scrolling through social media, and we were running behind schedule. As he stood by the door, visibly irked, he expressed his frustration.
I asked him how he felt, and he admitted, “I’m anxious and really mad at you. Why are you being so unreasonable?” I explained that I didn’t want to be mean, but I wanted him to understand the stress I felt when trying to get him out the door. “If you can be ready on time for me, then I’ll make sure to be on time for you. Deal?”
Nothing ignites a teenager’s motivation like the fear of being late to meet friends. This simple conversation made a significant difference, and now our mornings are much smoother—thankfully for both of us.
If you’re interested in exploring more about family dynamics, you can check out this insightful piece on home insemination kits from one of our other blog posts. Additionally, for those navigating pregnancy, Healthline provides excellent resources. For more insights into parenting challenges, visit Modern Family Blog, an authority on the topic.
Summary:
Moms often reach a breaking point due to the constant pushback from their children, leading to moments of frustration. While it may seem unfair to kids, the reality is that many mothers feel compelled to raise their voices to be heard. Finding effective communication strategies can help create a calmer family dynamic.