Last Christmas, my partner surprised me with a sewing machine. I had a basic understanding of sewing, and we were concerned I might need to craft a costume for our son’s holiday pageant. Sure enough, I managed to create three headpieces for the Magi, which turned out to be quite simple.
After that success, I started looking for other easy projects. Pillowcases seemed like a fitting choice. I decided to make special Christmas-themed pillowcases for everyone. I set up my machine in the dining room, ironed, French-seamed, and pinned fabric together. Before I knew it, I was lost in the rhythm of sewing, and my anxiety about deadlines, my partner’s tardiness, and general life worries faded away. For those moments, I was content, humming along and escaping from reality.
Living with moderate to severe anxiety means that I often fixate on details that others might overlook—like the clutter on the kitchen table or irrational fears about my dog at obedience school. I find myself worrying about everything from my children catching illnesses to the potential dangers lurking in the world, including the fear of a catastrophic event at any moment. Social anxiety also plagues me, particularly in the realm of digital interactions. Platforms like Facebook trigger my nerves, alongside the constant barrage of distressing news.
But when I’m engrossed in sewing, I can momentarily detach from all that negativity. On Facebook, I’m not bombarded with the latest disheartening news or celebrity scandals. I can even browse Pinterest for patterns without engaging with others, which is a welcome reprieve.
I continued sewing while my partner graded papers and the kids played, creating a happy chaos in the house. They had plenty of enriching activities throughout the day, so I found solace in my sewing, a break from the relentless parenting duties that stretched from dawn to late evening. My drawers filled with upcycled clothing creations.
However, I recognized that I was losing track of my family. My partner would often take the kids to the park without me, suggesting, “You stay home and sew.” He understood how beneficial it was for my mental health, but I missed those moments with my children.
If it wasn’t sewing, I found myself diving into novels. Given the right motivation—anxiety often provided it—I could finish a book in a day. A biography gifted by my in-laws that chronicled the life of a British royal soon had me sneaking away to lose myself in its pages, away from the chaos of daily life.
This behavior isn’t uncommon among those battling anxiety, whether treated with medication or not. Many of us find solace in immersing ourselves in a singular focus, often at the expense of other areas of our lives. I’ve previously memorized the entire musical Hamilton, crocheted various items, and engaged deeply with my children to distract from my anxiety. These activities provided an escape from the overwhelming feelings that sometimes render me paralyzed.
However, these obsessions can lead to overspending—on yarn, books, and now, on “fabric” from thrift stores for upcycling projects. I occasionally regret missing out on time with my children, but there’s a silver lining: my oldest is eager to learn sewing, and we plan to work on a quilt together.
It’s also important to acknowledge that my coping mechanisms may prevent me from addressing deeper issues. I need to process my feelings about current social topics and take action instead of hiding behind my sewing machine. I must confront the reasons why certain platforms trigger my anxiety and work through them rather than escape through my hobbies.
Yet, my sewing machine remains a comforting presence, its rhythmic hum providing order amidst the chaos of life. At this point, I find comfort in the predictability of crafting, especially when grappling with the complexities of social interactions or current events. While it might not be the healthiest form of coping, it allows me to manage my anxiety day by day.
For more on coping with anxiety, especially in parenting, check out this insightful post from the Modern Family Blog, which provides a wealth of information on managing stress in daily life. Additionally, you can explore resources on treating infertility, which can also resonate with those navigating emotional challenges, at ACOG.