Across the table, my partner of four years, Mark, sipped his beer with an apologetic smile. “I don’t like beer,” I remarked, not only because it’s true but also to evoke a hint of sympathy. There was no need, however; we were preparing to welcome a child with special needs, and the world was already showering us with its condolences.
The waiter took his time clearing away the crumbs from our table, wielding a curved metal tool reminiscent of something from my OB’s office. I felt a wave of nausea wash over me, my blood sugar dipping dangerously low. I wanted nothing more than to lay my head down, offering my fatigue to the universe in hopes of a little mercy.
I recalled my experience from a month prior—the gestational diabetes test that spiraled into an unplanned ultrasound, an emergency visit to a maternal-fetal specialist, and the harrowing amniocentesis that plunged us into a month-long waiting period with the Mayo Clinic. They were busy deciphering the anomalies in our baby’s chromosomes.
“Dessert?” Mark asked, presenting a small menu like a game show host revealing a prize. I took it, hoping it would give me the energy to start a conversation that didn’t begin with “What are the odds…”
Around us, couples clasped hands beneath the harsh glow of fluorescent lights and flickering candles. I scanned the room, noting that everyone seemed to be in a romantic comedy, while no studio would ever cast a sad pregnant woman navigating the complexities of becoming a special needs parent. A nearby table was dipping marshmallows into a pot of fondue.
“Let’s get fondue,” I declared, the first complete sentence I had uttered all evening.
Mark’s face lit up as if I had just renewed my vows. I imagined his expression mirrored the joy he felt when he proposed five years ago, on a moonlit beach with a headlamp to illuminate the ring he slipped onto my finger. He has always been my lighthouse, guiding me through years of infertility with steadfastness. I struggle with uncertainty and detours from my life plan, while he gazes at the stars. Yet, our marriage has only grown stronger through the trials we’ve faced together. The acronyms—IUIs, IVFs, FETs—have bound us as if we were soldiers united in a common cause.
I’m not naive; I know that divorce rates are high in the infertility community, and the same holds true in the world of special needs. As I glance at him, I see the weariness in his eyes, the graying of his hair, and the obsessive use of Chapstick that has left his lips cracked. I, too, am weathered—my hair dulling and hands trembling slightly as I skewer a banana slice. We’ve endured so much that calamity has become a familiar companion. To an outsider, we might appear just like any happily married couple on the cusp of parenthood, our faces softly illuminated by candlelight.
What I didn’t know that evening was that in just a month, our son would make his debut at thirty weeks. The call from the Mayo Clinic would arrive on the same day, as if signaling the start of a new chapter. As I dipped my finger into the fondue, I was oblivious to the complexities of Beckwith-Wiedemann syndrome or the mechanics of suctioning a tracheotomy. I had no concept of what “cerebral palsy” truly entailed. I didn’t know that my son would have curly blond hair, eyes that would turn a vibrant green, and a love for music and books. I couldn’t foresee him being left-handed like me or glued to his iPad despite our best efforts to enforce screen time limits.
On that Valentine’s night, I had no idea what kind of mother I would become—an advocate, a caregiver, an educator, a scientist, and a champion for my child. All I knew was that I married this man and we were expecting a child; though we weren’t holding hands, it felt like enough.
This is not a love story; it’s a life story. If you’re on a similar journey and seeking resources regarding infertility treatments, consider visiting ACOG – Treating Infertility. For those looking for innovative solutions, check out Make A Mom – At-Home Insemination Kit for an at-home insemination kit. For more insights and stories, explore Modern Family Blog.
Summary
This narrative recounts a pregnant woman’s dinner experience with her husband as they navigate the complexities of impending parenthood with a child who has special needs. The story highlights the emotional struggles, the uncertainty of their future, and the strength of their relationship amidst the challenges of infertility and the unknowns of parenthood.