It’s that wonderful time of year when the 2017 GOOP holiday gift guide makes its grand entrance! Gwyneth Paltrow and her team have once again curated a selection of extravagant items that are sure to elicit both laughter and disbelief. This year’s offerings are sure to amuse, frustrate, and remind you just how budget-challenged many of us truly are. It’s become something of a festive ritual to explore these lists, even if they often feel more like a parody of luxury than genuine gift-giving advice.
In a bid to embrace the mockery surrounding her lavish selections, Gwyneth has introduced the “Ridiculous But Awesome Gift Guide.” But let’s be honest, Gwyneth—stay in your lane; this is my domain.
So, let’s dive in!
Royal Spa At-Home Float Tank, $16,500
At first glance, I mistook this for a gleaming electric toilet, which frankly sounds enticing. Instead, it’s a claustrophobic water pod you enter and seal yourself into. For those who enjoy the idea of floating in a dark, enclosed space, this may be a dream come true. For me? It’s a nightmare come to life. Happy holidays, Aunt Shelley!
Ural Sidecar Motorcycle, starting at $14,499
Described as “for you and your ride or die,” this motorcycle hails from Russia, where thrill-seekers traverse challenging terrains. Or, you could simply toss your dog in it and cruise to the PTA meeting. Not ostentatious at all, right?
Rose Gold Champagne Tumbler, $2,590
Want to celebrate with style? Why not do it with a single cup priced at nearly $3,000? Forget about coordinating sets—just bring your own rose gold tumbler. Cheers to that!
Blink And You’ll Miss It Remote Camp, price upon request
This intriguing offering seems like a high-end version of “Naked and Afraid.” Picture being dropped in an isolated location with a custom tent, pretending to enjoy the wilderness. It’s the ultimate Instagram backdrop—if you can survive the sheer absurdity of it all.
Chocolate Cutter, price upon request
Another item without a listed price, which means it probably costs more than any chocolate you’ve ever purchased. Seriously, who needs a cutter for a Reese’s? Just nibble it—it’s not rocket science!
Stuffed Animal Chairs, price upon request
A delightful yet infuriating item that is sure to leave you wondering where to sit. The price? I don’t dare to imagine—especially since they’re already sold out.
Yellow Submarine, price upon request
This new trend of omitting prices is perplexing. The description notes it’s “for when the yacht is in the shop.” What is it with the wealthy and their fascination with claustrophobic toys?
According to E!, the total cost to acquire everything from this year’s guide exceeds $6 million. Ah, Gwyneth, you never fail to entertain!
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In summary, the 2017 GOOP holiday gift guide is a whimsical collection of extravagant items that push the boundaries of gift-giving. Whether it’s a luxury float tank or an overpriced tumbler, the list showcases the opulence of modern-day gifting, leaving many of us feeling a little less financially secure.