Every time we venture out with family and someone pulls out their phone to snap a picture of my child, I brace myself for the inevitable comments. I often find myself debating whether to confront the situation or let it slide, but more often than not, I react in the moment. Someone will snatch my child’s pacifier from his mouth as if it’s a dangerous object, all in pursuit of that perfect shot.
“You shouldn’t need that silly thing!”
“You’re too old for that!”
“Hand it over!”
Regardless of the phrasing, the message is clear: “Why does your parent still allow you to use a pacifier when you’re not a baby anymore?” But when is it truly the right age for a child to give up their pacifier? Should we start hiding them right as they begin to walk? Or is a child considered a baby solely based on breastfeeding? In that case, there are kindergartners still nursing who might just keep their pacifier privileges.
As a child, I had my own comfort mechanisms; I would twirl my hair when feeling anxious. I was not aggressive or disruptive; I just kept to myself. Yet, I was often reprimanded by teachers and family friends who found it bothersome. Their irritation wasn’t my concern, yet I stopped anyway. As I grew, I learned to advocate for myself, but my son is not yet able to do that. I see him looking up at me, his eyes pleading for help after someone has taken away his source of comfort at family gatherings or during visits to the barbershop. Caught between the judgment of others and the desire to protect my child, I sometimes find myself waiting for the moment to pass without intervention.
What disturbs me most is not just the unsolicited advice on my parenting choices but the ease with which others can approach my child and take away something that soothes him. I don’t go to relatives’ homes to empty their liquor cabinets or to snatch their dessert spoons during meals. I respect their choices, and it’s not my place to dictate how others live their lives.
Some well-meaning individuals try to convince me to take away my son’s pacifier by sharing stories of children who faced speech issues or dental problems because of it. Yet, I never bring up my grandmother’s battle with lung cancer every time someone lights up a cigarette, nor do I comment on the obesity epidemic when someone indulges in dessert. I don’t chastise others for their late-night escapades or excessive caffeine consumption. I refuse to accept judgment on my parenting choices when I see others making questionable decisions in their own lives while I respect their autonomy.
My son may need a few extra dental checkups if he keeps his pacifier for a while longer, but that’s a small price to pay compared to the emotional toll he might face if I were to take it away, especially in stressful situations like meeting a new babysitter or traveling.
Children often lack the ability to articulate their discomfort or fear, so I trust that my son is managing his stress in the best way he knows how. Through constant hugs, conversations, and attentiveness, I ensure he feels heard, even if he can only express himself through body language or fleeting glances. The criticisms regarding his pacifier stem from others’ perceptions rather than an understanding of his needs. For me, his emotional well-being is far more important than any potential dental issues.
Those who believe I should remove the pacifier or let him cry it out for the sake of his teeth should consider their own coping mechanisms. How many rely on unhealthy habits for comfort? Even if my child ends up needing dental work, I can assure you that it’s far easier to fix teeth than it is to mend the emotional scars that could arise from taking away his source of comfort.
This is my perspective as a parent, and I don’t seek to change anyone’s mind or justify my choices. All I ask is for a little less hypocrisy and recognition that my parenting decisions are mine alone. If you’re interested in fertility topics, you might find helpful insights in our posts about options for conception, such as this one about fertility boosters for men. Additionally, for those navigating insemination, check out this excellent resource on what to expect when you have your first IUI.
In summary, while others may have differing views on pacifiers, it is essential to prioritize what truly matters: the emotional health of our children.