Ask any mother about the invisible burden of motherhood, and she will certainly relate to the concept. It’s the array of tasks we perform for our families that are essential yet often overlooked. This endless checklist of small responsibilities only garners attention when they are neglected. The emotional toll of managing it all—keeping track of everything, feeling every family member’s emotions, and the constant worry—can be overwhelming.
It’s not merely about preparing dinner each night; it involves knowing everyone’s preferences, deciding what to cook, maintaining a mental inventory of the fridge and pantry, shopping for groceries, and remembering which evenings are occupied with soccer practice. It includes packing leftovers into containers while mentally tracking their expiration dates, cleaning up unnoticed spills, and discarding expired condiments.
This invisible workload extends to the clutter of school forms and birthday invitations piling up on the counter, the lunch bag that needs replacing, and the shoes that are becoming too tight. It’s about swapping out summer clothes for winter wear and ensuring that old clothes are either sold or donated. It explains why your kids always have neatly trimmed nails and regularly scheduled haircuts.
The specifics of the list may vary from person to person, but it never truly ends. Some days it’s about stocking up on essentials like toilet paper and dish soap; other days, it’s about replacing a broken kettle or arranging for a babysitter on date night. It involves selecting and wrapping gifts for birthday parties, remembering the names of kids and parents, and understanding the dynamics among your children. And let’s not forget about the holidays.
Yet, amidst all these invisible duties, you’re still tackling the visible ones. But when, exactly? Seriously, when?
Whether you’re working outside the home or managing a household full of energetic little ones, your days are likely filled with non-stop activity, pulling you in multiple directions at once. The mornings are chaotic, followed by either a long workday or a fulfilling but demanding time with your kids. Then comes dinner, possibly some homework, the bedtime routine, and finally, a fleeting moment of free time, which you often sacrifice for the needs of others.
When I find myself waking up in one of my children’s beds at 8:15 PM, having dozed off beside them with a copy of a beloved storybook on the floor, I long for a proper end to my day. I want to kiss my child goodnight, sneak away, and sink into my own bed for a restful, uninterrupted sleep.
But that never happens.
Instead, I scramble out of their cozy bed, searching for my phone to check the time. I dash to the mall before it closes, racing against the clock because one child has outgrown their jacket while the other has ruined all their socks. While I’m there, I seize the opportunity to buy new work pants for my husband and snag a novel I need for book club. After the mall, I grab a coffee from Starbucks before heading to the grocery store—thankfully open 24 hours—to stock up on food for the week. On my way home, I might need to stop for gas or make a quick detour to the drug store because I forgot a birthday card for a weekend party or need a gift card for a departing teacher. There’s always something, often many things.
Sure, there are evenings when I indulge in a show with my partner or play a casual game on my phone until my eyes grow weary. Yet, many nights, I meet a friend for coffee or, less frequently, join them for a workout. I might attend a school council meeting or run a last-minute errand that couldn’t be squeezed into the day. On occasion, I take my laptop to a café to catch up on work, or I might find solace in browsing the aisles of a bookstore, soaking in the quiet.
I’ve even gone to the gas station at 10 PM to vacuum my car because there was simply no other opportunity to do so. I’ve done laundry at midnight and prepared school lunches at 1 AM, collapsing into bed right after. There’s no chore I haven’t tackled at ridiculous hours, and no store I haven’t grumbled at for closing too early. Yet, my house remains a mess.
When the day finally winds down, I know I should head straight to bed, but I resist. I haven’t carved out a moment for myself to simply exist, to be alone with my thoughts. So, I switch on a late-night show, pick up a book, or scroll through Instagram until I feel calm enough to sleep, preparing to repeat the cycle the next day.
There are other mothers out there just like me, and this isn’t solely about late-night tasks—it’s about squeezing a whole adult life into the fleeting hours when the kids are finally asleep. We all experience this in our own ways. For some, it might mean waking up at the crack of dawn to exercise, savor a quiet cup of tea, or organize for the day ahead. For me, it means resisting the morning wake-up call, preferring to stay up late.
Regardless of when you tackle your visible and invisible duties, know that you are not alone. Somewhere, another mom is sorting through a bin of rain boots at 8:55 PM on a Tuesday. Another is purchasing glue sticks for a school project, while yet another sorts through toys to make space before the kids wake up again. These mothers are everywhere, tirelessly working for their families, and their love is immeasurable, but the exhaustion is real. If you encounter one of them, a simple supportive smile can go a long way—she may not even notice it, but the solidarity is there, and that is enough.
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In summary, the invisible workload of motherhood is a profound challenge faced by many. The tasks that go unnoticed can leave mothers feeling drained and overwhelmed. However, recognizing this shared experience can foster solidarity and support among mothers everywhere.