Parenting
When Kids Are with Their Other Parent Following a Separation
There are moments when I find solace in silence, taking a deep breath and allowing the stillness to envelop me. I relish these instances when both children are asleep, granting me a precious 90-minute window to maximize my productivity before the delightful chaos of parenthood resumes. I inhale deeply, settle into the calm, and strategize my next steps.
However, there are also days when I linger in bed, questioning the motivation to rise when my kids aren’t around. Why brew that cup of coffee when there’s no one here to share it with, especially when I can enjoy it hot without the usual rush of convincing someone that using the toilet is an exhilarating experience? Those are the times when they are at their other home, with their other parent, living a life that seems distant from mine.
I gather my strength, avoid glancing at my reflection, and step outside. I breathe in the fresh air, forcing my lungs to expand, reminding myself that there’s no urgency today. The dishes can wait; there are no small mouths to feed, no tiny hands to hold, and no little hearts to comfort. Right now, my own heart needs some attention, my mind craves peace, and my soul longs for movement.
The days when I’d rather stay in bed are often the ones that require me to take action the most. They are the times I need to appreciate this newfound space — a gift I had long desired. This separation has been a catalyst for transformation; I no longer feel like a solitary figure in parenting nor in life. Both parents are now involved, sharing responsibilities and joys alike.
While I feel a tinge of sadness being apart from my children for half the week, I am incredibly grateful that they have both parents actively engaged in their lives. The quiet days can feel fleeting at times, while on others, they stretch endlessly. I experience a mix of love and resentment during these moments. I feel guilty for relishing the quiet and selfish for wishing it away. Someday, I hope to find balance, but for now, I accept my conflicting emotions.
I am re-learning to acknowledge my feelings and express them openly. I aspire to be the role model I want for my children, ensuring that even with divided time, I am wholly present. I remember to use these moments — when my coffee is steaming hot — to prioritize self-care, breathe deeply, and come to terms with the discomfort of wondering how my children are faring at their other home with their other parent.
My hope is that acceptance of this new normal arrives swiftly for everyone involved, allowing us to navigate this dual existence with ease. I wish for our separate lives to provide my children with a sense of double love, filling them with security and warmth. I believe the still moments will grow easier, teaching me that not every second needs to be bustling with activity or sound. Embracing the silence can soothe my spirit and create a greater capacity for joy when my children return.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the emotional complexities of co-parenting after separation, highlighting the contrasting experiences of quiet moments alone and the joy of being a fully present parent. It emphasizes the importance of self-care and acceptance of a new family dynamic while fostering an environment of love and security for children.