This is a candid revelation. I’ve kept this to myself for far too long. Years ago, before I faced my own battles with anxiety and depression, I viewed those struggling with anxiety as overly dramatic. From my limited perspective, I thought they simply needed to “relax.” I believed that anxiety was something entirely within one’s conscious control.
Now that I’ve experienced anxiety firsthand, I’ve come to a sobering realization: I am, in fact, putting on a facade.
But it’s not my symptoms I’m pretending about; it’s everything else. When I’m surrounded by friends, I plaster on a smile, even though my heart races in my chest. I feign interest in conversations, nodding along and pretending to grasp what’s being said, even when their voices fade into the background and a wave of nausea washes over me.
I craft elaborate excuses to dodge social gatherings or coffee dates. I skillfully alternate between claims of being busy, having appointments, or tending to family obligations, ensuring they never suspect I’m at home, counting my breaths to calm my racing mind and anxious body.
At work, whether during shift reports at the hospital or meetings, I often claim fatigue, masking the dizziness that comes from sheer anxiety. I pretend to be tired to avoid places that remind me of my last anxiety attack—the one that ended with me throwing up at home after a meal.
In the past, I thought those with anxiety were the ones faking their struggles, exaggerating their feelings. Now, I recognize that many of us with anxiety are, in fact, faking it—but in a completely different way. We hide and downplay the impact anxiety has on our lives. We fake smiles, laughter, and engaging conversations, all to maintain our relationships and protect our reputations. We do this so you won’t feel uncomfortable or awkward; we fake it for you.
Amid the stigma surrounding anxiety, we’ve somehow concluded that pretending would enhance our relationships and simplify our lives. Yet, in my experience, it does the exact opposite. When I embrace honesty and vulnerability about my anxiety, I find a sense of relief and liberation, allowing me to simply exist—no pretense required. I no longer worry about others knowing I struggle with anxiety; that complexity is more than I can handle!
In truth, aren’t we all putting on a front? We hide our weaknesses, masking our insecurities with feigned confidence or expertise. We create facades to be more likable, but isn’t it authenticity that truly resonates with others and builds real connections?
I believe we can grow together in this regard. As a society, we should strive to support and embrace one another in our strengths and vulnerabilities. Let’s abandon the charade and foster genuine community and lasting relationships.
So here’s my full disclosure: I live with generalized anxiety, and I’ve been faking it. But today, I’m committed to doing my best to stop. I want to be real with you, and I hope you’ll be real with me. Will you join me?
For further insights on this topic, check out this resource on pregnancy and explore helpful options like the at-home insemination kit for those considering starting a family. Also, this article from Modern Family Blog offers valuable perspectives.
In summary, living with anxiety often involves a daily struggle of pretending. While we may feel the need to hide our true selves, embracing authenticity can lead to deeper connections and a stronger community.