The term “ghosting” became part of my vocabulary after I separated from my ex-husband. The first man I dated post-separation seemed perfect until one day, he disappeared without a trace. The emotional fallout was real and painful. Yet, as I soon discovered, the heartache I felt from being ghosted by a fleeting romantic interest paled in comparison to the agony my young son experienced after being ghosted by his biological father.
When I left my husband, I was aware that our marriage was filled with darkness, control, and manipulation. However, I clung to the hope that my son was the center of his father’s world. I envisioned a harmonious co-parenting arrangement where we would prioritize our son’s needs, remarry, and maintain a united front. That was my dream—until the day his father vanished from our lives.
He returned briefly, only to demand to relinquish his parental rights, harassing not just me but my family and legal counsel as well. He simply walked away, leaving a 5-year-old boy, who idolized him, in utter confusion.
The next few months were unbearable. My son suffered from night terrors, waking up screaming for me, thrashing in despair as he cried out, “Daddy, don’t go!” It was heartbreaking. We spent countless afternoons in therapy, desperately working to help him process this sudden loss. Each session felt like a painful reminder of our situation, and I often found myself breaking down in the hall, overwhelmed by the reality of our lives.
I developed post-traumatic stress disorder as my anxiety spiraled into a panic disorder. Certain ringtones associated with his father would trigger panic attacks, and I would find myself paralyzed at the sound of the doorbell, fearing it was him returning. I carried medication everywhere, bracing myself for moments when I felt I couldn’t cope.
The sadness was all-consuming—not just mine, but my child’s as well. One day, while we were outside, he asked me, “Does Daddy love his girlfriend more than me? Is that why he won’t come around?” How do you answer such a profound question from a child? These are thoughts that should never cross a 5-year-old’s mind.
I worked tirelessly to dismantle the walls of resentment he built around me as a result of his father’s actions. His father had turned many of our friends and family against me during the divorce. Initially, I ignored it, drained of energy, but eventually, those relationships healed. I navigated a complicated landscape where my son’s paternal family continued to love him, but his father did not. Thankfully, we have reconciled that relationship, and they are now a part of his life, but it was a challenging journey filled with painful memories.
The fear that his father would return loomed over me. After all, he had pulled a disappearing act before, and the anniversary of his departure sparked dread in me. I could not bear the thought of my son experiencing that pain again.
To maintain stability, we kept routines consistent. Teachers and counselors were informed of our situation, and they provided invaluable support by keeping an eye on my son’s emotional well-being. Over time, he began to heal, slowly returning to the carefree spirit of a 5-year-old.
As my partner of two years moved in, my son surprised us by calling him “Papa” and acknowledging him as “basically my stepdad.” We ensured he maintained connections with his paternal relatives, and we continued to live life joyfully, despite the absence of his father.
Fast forward to February—exactly one year since his father last reached out. A judge granted my request to terminate parental rights, allowing me sole custody of my son. Although Father’s Day still brings a mix of emotions, I hope his father remembers the son he abandoned.
My son, however, has moved forward. He will remember the strong, loving men who stepped in to fill the void left by his father—the ones who swim with him in the summer, cheer at soccer games, and teach him how to fish. He is surrounded by love and will be okay.
Recently, while driving to his last day of school, my son mentioned Father’s Day. He told me they practiced writing cards, and when he mentioned his card said, “I love my daddy because daddy loves me,” my heart shattered. He had always referred to his biological father as “Daddy,” so I gently suggested we should do something for Papa too, since he’s “like a dad.” In that moment, my heart soared when he replied, “But Momma, Papa is my daddy. The card is for him.”
This journey has been long and fraught with challenges, but we are finally starting to heal. If you’re navigating similar circumstances or considering options like at-home insemination, check out this helpful resource on pregnancy and family-building options.
Summary:
The emotional aftermath of a child being abandoned by a parent can be devastating. This article recounts the journey of a mother and her son as they navigate the pain of ghosting by the boy’s father, the struggles they faced, and the healing process they ultimately experienced. With the support of loving figures in their lives, they have found a way to move forward and create a new, loving family dynamic.