By: Jamie Carter
Updated: Oct. 18, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 11, 2017
Many of us parents share a hidden struggle. We often joke about it, brushing it off in a light-hearted manner. We might sign a friend up for a wine club with a playful note or casually post “real life” snapshots on social media. But behind closed doors, we lock ourselves in the bathroom, seeking a moment of solitude.
In that private space, we might scroll through our phones, read a book, or simply gaze blankly at the wall. The sound of water dripping fills the silence, punctuating our thoughts. Drop, drop, drop. Yet, amidst the soothing sound, we find ourselves fighting back tears, feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. Some days, it feels like we’re completely shattered.
When we venture out—whether to the grocery store or Target—we often drift in a daze. It’s a state so familiar that other parents recognize it too. “No kids today?” they quip. Our partners may genuinely wonder why we seem stressed after a brief outing without the kids, not realizing that what should feel like a break has become a rare moment of peace amidst chaos.
Let’s be clear: our partners aren’t being dismissive. They genuinely care, but we’ve reached a point where an hour spent in a bustling store feels like a luxury. We joke about the need for wine o’clock, and while laughter is helpful, we might also need to reach out for support.
I wish I could simplify this and link to studies on mental health in communities that don’t face such intense societal pressures. Many blogs echo sentiments like “we need a village” or “let’s bring back community support.” I wholeheartedly agree! I often think about this while staring at my bathroom wall, wishing I had a glass of wine in hand.
However, let’s focus on what’s achievable with the resources we have available today.
Building Your Support Network
We all have our communities, whether online or in person. Seeking professional assistance goes beyond just mental health. Consider hiring help—be it a housekeeper, a doula, or a dog walker. Assess your budget and see what you can manage; even a small investment in laundry services can make a difference.
Prioritizing Rest
It may sound trivial, but sleep is crucial. If you know me, you may chuckle. I rarely get enough rest because I rise with my kids. By the time they’re asleep, I crave quiet time, which often leads me to stay up too late. This results in running on caffeine and feeling mentally drained.
Embracing Mantras
Even if you’re not into new-age practices, consider incorporating mantras into your daily routine. Take a minute to write them down or color them during those quiet hours. Tape them to your mirror or bathroom wall for daily inspiration. Humor me and try it for two weeks—let me know how it goes.
Speaking the Truth
I saved this point for last because it’s vital. If we only joke about our parenting struggles—Target runs and wine—we aren’t truly helping ourselves or each other. We often see others’ seemingly perfect lives on social media, their pristine homes, and flawless family outings, while we’re just trying to make it through the day without stepping on a Lego.
It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed, to sometimes wish for an escape from parenting responsibilities, or to dream about a carefree life. If we start normalizing these emotions, we can better support one another and ultimately improve our parenting experiences.
In the past, communities thrived on mutual support. We had friends and family to lean on, allowing us to take a moment for ourselves. Nowadays, many of us turn to wine, medication, or false pretenses about what parenting should look like. What’s unacceptable is hiding our feelings so deeply that we end up sobbing alone behind a locked door.
Let’s change this narrative. It’s time to vent, seek help, offer assistance, treat ourselves guilt-free, and embrace the reality of our parenting journeys.
Remember, we’re not alone in this. If you’re looking for more information, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy for support. You can also explore couples’ fertility journeys to understand the process better. And for more insights, visit Modern Family Blog.
Summary
Parenting can feel isolating and overwhelming, but it’s essential to address our feelings openly. By seeking help, prioritizing rest, and supporting one another, we can navigate the challenges of parenthood together. Let’s break the stigma and create a community where we can share our struggles without fear.