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Don’t let your child become that person.
By Samantha Greene
May 2, 2022
There are few things more frustrating than a mansplainer, whether it’s a well-meaning partner trying to explain something he believes he knows better, a coworker who thrives on overshadowing women, or a stranger who can’t resist a chance to flaunt their ego.
Though the term “mansplaining” is thought to have emerged around 2008, the behavior itself has been around for much longer. Recently, however, the effects of mansplaining on girls and women of various ages have gained significant attention. So, what can you do as a parent when you see your young son—sweet and well-meaning as he may be—starting to display these tendencies?
Before you envision your adorable little boy becoming that person in a boardroom decades from now, take a breath. Going through a “know-it-all” phase is quite common among children, irrespective of gender, as two child psychologists explain. This phase will likely pass with time, and you’ll have plenty of opportunities to guide your son towards assertive yet respectful communication as he matures—without turning him into every woman’s worst nightmare.
Understanding Overconfidence in Children
“It’s typical for kids—especially young ones (ages 4 to 8)—to exhibit overconfidence in their knowledge and skills,” explains Dr. Lisa Chen, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of California. “As children develop, they often struggle to recall how they learned something. Numerous studies have identified this ‘overconfidence’ phenomenon in preschool-aged kids, and generally, they outgrow it.”
“Interrupting and striving to be right are common behaviors among children of all genders, and usually, this is just a phase,” Dr. Chen adds. “While young kids may not be capable of true ‘mansplaining,’ boys can adopt communication styles and gender norms from parents, teachers, and peers early on.”
Distinguishing Between Genuine Excitement and Competing for Attention
So, how can you ensure your son’s eagerness to share doesn’t turn into intrusive behavior? Fortunately, there are plenty of strategies to encourage his expression while guiding him appropriately. Dr. Chen emphasizes the need to differentiate between your child’s genuine enthusiasm for new knowledge (a “Did you know?” moment) and their inclination to dominate a conversation (a “Well, actually…” moment).
“It’s perfectly normal for children to be excited about what they’ve learned,” notes Dr. Mike Roberts, a child psychologist based in San Diego. “They often want to share their knowledge, sometimes in an impatient manner. This stems from their cognitive development stage rather than mature impulse control. As parents, these moments provide opportunities to model more respectful and cooperative ways to express excitement.”
Dr. Chen suggests nurturing genuine enthusiasm by engaging with your son’s excitement, sharing your knowledge in a respectful manner, and fostering curiosity—“Wow, that’s so interesting! I wonder if…” But during those “well, actually” moments, avoid giving attention to that behavior. Instead, frame it as a learning opportunity: “Hmm, I’m not sure about that, but I see it’s important to you. Would you like to find out together?”
Maintaining a Positive Environment
Dr. Roberts recommends that parents acknowledge their child’s excitement about sharing knowledge and remind them that the other person also has valuable insights. Encourage turn-taking in conversations, whether in line or at the dinner table. You can even make it fun by turning it into a game—waiting for one’s turn can lead to small rewards. At home, engage your child in playful scenarios where they can imagine how others experience different communication styles.
Keeping the atmosphere positive is vital to prevent your son from developing insecurities about his communication style. Dr. Roberts advises against using the term “mansplaining” altogether, as it carries a negative connotation that reinforces gender stereotypes. Instead, utilize non-gendered language like “excited explaining” or “difficulty taking turns” when discussing behavior. This approach helps avoid instilling shame or a negative self-image in your child, promoting an environment where sharing knowledge is encouraged while teaching adaptive strategies.
Dr. Chen adds that boys often receive messages that vulnerability is unacceptable. Not knowing the answer, feeling uncertain, asking questions, and being wrong are all essential aspects of growth. Let your son understand that it’s okay for him (and you) not to have all the answers and that curiosity and learning from others—regardless of gender—are valuable.
Recognizing When It Becomes Mansplaining
If your son consistently interrupts others or tries to assert his correctness into adolescence, it may be time for an age-appropriate conversation on sexism—what it is and how it affects everyone, as Dr. Chen suggests. As a parent, you need to model the communication style you wish to see in your son. Children are keen observers and will imitate your behavior. Establish ground rules for interrupting, practice active listening, and ensure everyone has a chance to speak during conversations.
If you notice your son’s behavior specifically targeting girls, it’s crucial to point this out and emphasize the wisdom and experiences of women in his life, including in literature and media. Providing role models of respectful men and knowledgeable women—like the characters in Supergirl—can be beneficial, says Dr. Chen.
Encouraging the art of asking questions, showing curiosity, and actively listening to others will help your son develop respect for diverse perspectives while gaining confidence in his own knowledge.
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Summary
Raising sons who avoid ‘mansplaining’ involves understanding their cognitive development, encouraging genuine excitement about learning, and modeling respectful communication. By fostering a positive environment and teaching empathy, parents can help boys grow into considerate communicators.
Keyphrase: Raising Sons Who Avoid Mansplaining
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