My Ex-Husband Threatened Me with a Forced Abortion

pregnant woman in pink dress sitting on bed

Intimate partner abuse can manifest in many unexpected ways. It’s not always the stereotypical image of a drunken argument or physical violence; it can also be a subtle, chilling threat. I experienced this firsthand a few years ago on March 17.

I married young, and our wedding was rushed, leading many to assume I was expecting. A friend’s mother directly asked me if I was pregnant, and when I denied it, she insisted I promise to finish my education before starting a family. I agreed, and my husband supported this decision. We had our future mapped out, prioritizing our careers over children.

My in-laws often expressed their belief that having kids would derail our plans, and my mother reminded me that my arrival had strained her relationship with my father. With such influences, delaying parenthood felt like the right choice. After I completed college, we postponed starting a family again so my husband could pursue graduate studies. Eventually, we were enjoying the benefits of his hard work, buying a home and filling it with new furniture instead of hand-me-downs. I felt ambivalent about having children.

Then, one St. Patrick’s Day, the choice to have children was taken from me. My husband and I were at a beach town with his family, celebrating a milestone. The weather was dreary, leaving us cooped up together in a large rented house. After several days of family bonding, we decided to venture out for lunch. We found a cozy restaurant, its dark wood panels giving it an intimate, quiet atmosphere.

Somehow, the conversation turned to children. I expressed that if I were to become unexpectedly pregnant, I would want to keep the baby, believing we could provide a good life. My husband posed a hypothetical question: “What if tests showed the child might have Down Syndrome?” As a fiercely pro-choice individual, I held the belief that unless the fetus was non-viable or my life was at risk, terminating a pregnancy would be morally wrong. My husband, however, laughed and said, “If you get pregnant, I’ll just bring home some medication and give it to you while you’re sleeping. You’ll abort.”

What an outrageous comment, right? But he is a physician, one who has delivered babies and performed abortions. I was frozen in shock, a wave of nausea washing over me. Coupled with his history of nighttime violence, I recognized the seriousness of his threat. I knew he was capable of such actions.

I forced myself to finish the meal in silence and walked back to the house, my husband oblivious to my distress. Once home, his family gathered to share the story of the celebration, while I retreated to our bedroom, sobbing into a pillow for hours. I eventually fell asleep, unaware of when my husband came in.

The next morning, I woke up with swollen eyes. My husband commented on my appearance, but I brushed it off, and he didn’t probe further. Later, noticing my withdrawal, he inquired if something was wrong. In a moment of vulnerability, I broke down and told him I was upset about his remark. He dismissed it, claiming he was joking and that I should have known better.

It didn’t sound like a joke to me, and he never apologized for such a repulsive comment. However, shortly after returning from that vacation, he did get a vasectomy.

Intimate partner abuse can take many forms, and for years, I failed to recognize these threats as abuse. I stayed in that relationship far too long. Each St. Patrick’s Day serves as a reminder of the kind of person who could make a “joke” about forcing an abortion against his wife’s will. I am grateful to have escaped that situation.

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For more insights into navigating similar experiences, consider reading this post on forced abortion threats and understand the importance of support systems. Additionally, for authoritative information, you can refer to Make a Mom’s page on home insemination kits.

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Summary

This article recounts a personal experience of intimate partner abuse, highlighting the insidious nature of threats disguised as jokes. The author reflects on the emotional turmoil caused by her ex-husband’s chilling comment regarding a forced abortion. The piece serves as a reminder of the various forms of abuse and the importance of recognizing them.

Keyphrase: intimate partner abuse
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