My kids have a knack for teasing me about how all their friends seem to have everything under the sun while they claim they have “nothing.” They often engage in a little game of “let’s see if we can convince Mom to buy us this or that,” making me feel inadequate because they’re the only ones who have to go without. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a tad, but honestly, I do think that’s how they perceive things—especially after my divorce.
They’re still young, and I’ve heard from other parents that mine aren’t alone in comparing their lives to others. So why was I surprised when, during my divorce, I found them measuring their experiences at their dad’s house against their time with me? That was bound to happen.
They spend several nights a week at their father’s place, which is just a short drive away. He lives in a condo conveniently located near all the kid-friendly spots—McDonald’s, the mall, the movie theater, and even gas stations with the most amazing snacks! There are sidewalks, street lights, and plenty of their friends nearby. Plus, they can order food in, and yard work is a non-issue since the condo association handles all of that. Rather than raking leaves in my yard, they get to lounge on their dad’s comfortable couch and dive into video games.
In contrast, I live in a small town where sidewalks are few and far between, and none of their friends are close enough to walk to. We have one blinking street light, and delivery services? Forget it. They can’t stroll over to the local pizza joint to hang out with their friends, which makes life feel pretty dull for them these days.
Yes, this is where they’ve spent their whole lives, but now they have two homes. I realize this transition hasn’t been easy for them. I honestly thought it would be better for them to stay in the home they’ve always known, but now they want me to sell our family home and move to a condo next to their dad. All those childhood memories of sledding in the backyard and summer barbecues seem to be lost on them in favor of takeout and hanging out with their pals.
I know they’re kids, and these things matter to them, but I refuse to change my parenting style just because they find their dad’s condo more exciting. Chores have always been part of their lives, and despite the changes brought by divorce, that won’t change. I’m not here to compete with their dad’s fun times. They won’t be free from chores just because they don’t have any at their father’s house.
I get that their dad, who works long hours and doesn’t see them as often, prefers to make their time together enjoyable and light. I genuinely want my kids to have fun with their dad—not just because it gives me a breather to relax or hang out with friends, but because it’s important for them. However, I refuse to let their enjoyable moments with him make me feel guilty or inadequate. At first, I struggled with that, but then I realized it’s not about outdoing their dad; it’s about both of us doing our best as co-parents. Our approaches might differ, and that’s perfectly okay.
I’ve always been labeled the strict parent. I’m the one who picks them up after school, ensures their lunches are packed, makes sure homework gets done, and schedules their appointments. It can be stressful, but I maintain a structured environment because I believe it helps them thrive. Yes, this may make me seem like the “bad guy” or the less fun parent, but that was my approach before the divorce, and I’m not about to change it now.
Their father isn’t doing anything wrong, and neither am I. The kids don’t get to dictate our parenting styles. Once I accepted that, I felt a lot better about myself. But I won’t lie—takeout and having someone else handle the yard work do sound pretty tempting. Just don’t let my kids know I said that!
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In conclusion, while my kids may enjoy their time with their dad more, I’m learning to embrace our differences in parenting and accept that it’s all part of this new journey.
Keyphrase: My Kids Have More Fun With Their Dad After Divorce
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