This morning, I faced a frustrating task: unboxing a bar of soap for my shower. As I struggled with the packaging, my blood pressure began to rise. I found myself thinking, why can’t anyone else notice the need for a new bar of soap? Why is this wrapping so complicated? I simply don’t have the time to wrestle with a bar of soap that refuses to come out of its box.
It was just soap, yet it felt like an insurmountable challenge. I was infuriated. That moment was just a glimpse into how my anxiety manifests daily. Since becoming a mom, I’ve battled to manage the frustration and anger that often accompanies motherhood and the myriad responsibilities of running a household. It’s not unusual for me to lash out, yell, or, when things spiral, create an atmosphere of tension for everyone around me.
No one wants to be that angry mom, and I certainly don’t want to be one. The guilt that follows my moments of frustration can feel overwhelming. I sometimes question whether I’m truly cut out for this role; I wonder if my kids would be better off with someone who wouldn’t let something as trivial as a child misplacing their shoe send them into a tailspin of anger and hastily spoken words.
I wish they didn’t have to see me cry after saying things I didn’t truly mean or witness my anger over minor annoyances when they are simply navigating their own learning experiences. The heartache of needing to apologize for my anger, asking for forgiveness from those I care about most, is heavy.
I often fantasize about being calm and relaxed, without letting the pressure of cooking dinner each night trigger a wave of self-loathing and overreactions to insignificant issues. Anxiety is not solely about stress or panic attacks; for me, it frequently stems from overwhelming responsibilities that cloud my judgment, resulting in harsh words and a series of “I’m sorrys.”
In the heat of the moment, it feels impossible to rein in my emotions. Anger spills out faster than I can control it. My mind races through an endless to-do list of parenting tasks that need to be accomplished, and even the smallest hiccup can set me off. An anxious mom often wakes at dawn with a running checklist when all she needs is sleep, leading to exhaustion that compounds the frustration of motherhood. I find myself angry at the world for reasons that seem to stem from my own anxiety.
Growing up, I lived in an environment that often left me feeling on edge, and I desperately want to avoid passing that on to my children. I want them to see me as a safe haven, someone who will not overreact to a spilled bowl of cereal. My heart breaks when I see them look to me, hoping I won’t explode over minor mistakes, and it pains me to acknowledge that this is a reality in our home.
I want my family to understand how much I love them. I wish they knew that when I lash out, it’s not directed at them. In those moments of anger, what I often need most is compassion, a hug, or comforting words. Fortunately, my kids are naturally forgiving.
I want to convey that my desire to provide them the best life possible is what often drives my stress and anxiety. They deserve a mother who doesn’t let spilled milk or the chaos of daily life push her into a state of anger.
Yet, I’ve come to realize that those on the receiving end of my anxious frustration may withdraw or avoid me when I’m upset. I don’t blame them; I wouldn’t want to be around me either. What I want people to recognize is that beneath the anger lies a deep sadness—sadness at my inability to control it and at hurting those I cherish the most. I’m not trying to be unkind, even if it may seem that way.
With the sadness comes a strong desire to improve, even when it feels impossible. I’m actively working to manage my anger. Some days are better than others. I leverage the strategies I learned in therapy, take medication that alleviates some of the tension, and strive to be a “yes” parent, letting go of triggers that heighten my anxiety.
I’ve learned to embrace apology and recognize the peace that comes from owning my truth. And my truth is that anxiety can lead to anger and impatience with the people I love most. I’m fortunate that they continue to forgive me time and again, and I hope to find a way to forgive myself as well.
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Summary:
Managing anxiety while parenting can lead to feelings of anger and frustration, often creating tension within the family. Many mothers struggle with the weight of responsibilities, leading to outbursts that can hurt those they love. It is important to recognize the underlying sadness that accompanies this anger and to seek compassion and understanding from loved ones. By embracing self-forgiveness and employing coping strategies, mothers can work towards a more peaceful family environment.