My Children Don’t Experience the Same Freedom as Their White Friends

It hits hard every time. I see a parent on the playground glancing at my twin daughters, who, like their child, are just having fun. My partner and I have frequently heard a specific phrase from a lone white parent: “Your kids are so well-behaved.” As a Black mother, I can only interpret this remark as offensive.

Usually, it’s my partner, who is South Asian American, present in these moments, and I learn about them later. Even then, I feel my anger rising. It seems as though people expect my kids to misbehave, and when they don’t, it’s a shocking surprise. This is precisely why the concept of “free-range children” rarely applies to BIPOC. The mere color of their skin can prompt comments like the one directed at my children—or lead to something far more serious.

BIPOC kids face a stark reality; they don’t get the same opportunities to simply exist in public spaces due to genuine fears for their safety. Parents of BIPOC children can’t allow them the same freedom to play unattended at the park. For many Black and brown teenage boys, simply gathering in groups—especially if they’re wearing hoodies—can lead to wrongful assumptions about their character.

I wouldn’t label myself a helicopter parent, constantly hovering over my children, but I am acutely aware of our surroundings. I set clear limits for my kids; I need to keep them in sight when we’re out in public. For my 14-year-old son, I must know his whereabouts at all times. It’s not that I doubt their responsibility; it’s that I can’t trust others to respect my children or keep them safe, to let them enjoy their childhood without imposing harmful stereotypes about who they are and what they should be doing.

There’s an age-old saying that it takes a village to raise children. While I still believe in that philosophy, what happens when not everyone in that village shares the same values regarding all children in the community? As a mother of color, I navigate a delicate balance between allowing my kids the freedom their white peers enjoy and safeguarding their well-being as members of a South Asian and Black family. Simple tasks, like sending them to the corner store or letting them hang out at the local park, could lead to life-altering consequences—or worse.

The experience of BIPOC families in this world differs significantly from that of their white counterparts; this reality is not new. Author Diane L. Redleaf, known for her work “They Took the Kids Last Night: How the Child Protection System Puts Families at Risk,” states, “Over many years of advocating for families of color, low-income families, and immigrants, I have witnessed the emphasis placed on allowing white children the freedom to play outside and learn to solve their own problems. Children of color do not receive the same attention or freedom.”

When our child wears a hoodie, it doesn’t carry the same connotation as when a white child does. My children riding their bikes together on a summer day could lead to their unjust arrest for no valid reason at all. This fear stifles their ability to play freely and develop independence without parental oversight. While I strive to quell this fear, it lingers when I allow my children to play in our predominantly white neighborhood.

Sharon Lee, a multicultural educator and mother of two, shares her perspective: “I identify as Chinese, and my husband identifies as White Latino American—our kids identify as part Chinese, part Brooklyn, and 100% sassy! They are not half Chinese or half white; they are whole kids, and we encourage them to embrace all aspects of their identity.”

Sharon’s children, like many other BIPOC kids, learn essential life skills primarily through what they are taught at home. She emphasizes, “For all our kids to feel safe, we need racial solidarity across communities. It’s vital to understand that this is not a zero-sum game. It’s not about competing for suffering; we must work together. Together, we are stronger.” These strategies are crucial for fostering safety and independence for our kids.

While there are parents who feel comfortable letting their children roam, apply for jobs, or run errands without worry, that sense of security has never been available in the same way for BIPOC parents. This fear is something we confront each day, teaching society that we too deserve to live our lives without fear and with equal opportunities.

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Summary:

The article discusses the unique challenges BIPOC parents face when it comes to allowing their children the same freedoms that white children enjoy. It highlights the societal biases that influence perceptions of BIPOC children and the constant vigilance these parents must maintain to protect their children from potential harm. The need for community solidarity and understanding is emphasized, alongside the ongoing struggle for equality and safety in parenting.

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