As a parent, it’s easy to feel overlooked. Today, I made a choice that many might judge: I put myself first. I ventured out to see a play with a friend—someone outside my immediate family—knowing that my son would miss his soccer tournament. When one of his friends inquired about his absence, I stayed silent, even as my son looked to me for an explanation.
Now, before you dismiss me as a selfish mother, let me share my perspective. A few weeks ago, I spotted an ad for a play that resonated with my pre-parenthood self. Why shouldn’t I go? I juggle three kids, a full-time job, and a supportive husband. My interests and needs should hold just as much value as anyone else’s, right?
As the date approached, I juggled logistics like a seasoned pro. My youngest had a party to attend, and my husband needed to stay home with our middle child, who suddenly had friends over. I had to coordinate rides to soccer practice for my son while ensuring someone cheered him on from the bleachers. By the time my son’s friend asked why he wasn’t going, I was utterly drained from the week’s chaos and nearly caved.
But instead of succumbing to guilt, I felt a surge of defiance (perhaps misplaced, as the kid was only 10). I thought about how my son had a brother at home, likely getting into mischief, and a sister who needed last-minute candy for her party. His dad, while wonderful, travels frequently and was headed to the airport soon. And then there was me—working full-time, exhausted, and trying to keep everything together.
I recently read an article discussing how mothers often feel invisible after childbirth. While motherhood brings immense joy, it can also force us to sacrifice our identities. This feeling doesn’t vanish when our kids start walking or enter school. Many of us have altered careers, abandoned hobbies, or let our appearances slide, all in the name of family.
In the early days of motherhood, I tried to articulate to my husband that I felt “erased.” The pressure to prioritize our family was overwhelming, leaving little room for my own interests. So, what did I do that day?
Despite my guilt, I held my ground. On the drive home, I explained to my son why I had to miss the tournament. I reassured him about practice and the fun sleepover I arranged for his brother. He understood, and I promised to make it up to him at the next game.
And here’s the best part: I loved the play. It was refreshing to enjoy an evening of culture without worrying about bathroom breaks or tall people blocking my view. I left the theater feeling rejuvenated, more like my old self, and I was kinder to the kids when I returned.
The Takeaway
To combat feelings of invisibility, we must reconnect with what brings us joy. Yes, our families and careers are crucial, but we must also nurture our individual passions. A little self-care can work wonders.
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In summary, don’t forget to prioritize yourself occasionally. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for your well-being and, ultimately, for your family’s happiness.