It’s a typical Monday evening, and I find myself maneuvering a wailing baby through the aisles of a grocery store. My heart races as I make my way to the back of the shop, constantly glancing over my shoulder. If anyone had seen me, they might have thought I was trying to shoplift.
After what feels like an eternity, I finally reach my destination. I glance around, relieved to see no familiar faces, and quickly grab what I need. To avoid drawing attention, I discreetly tuck the item behind my baby’s car seat in the cart. So far, so good.
At this moment, you might be wondering: Am I stealing, or perhaps buying home pregnancy tests for my sister? Here’s a hint: both assumptions are incorrect. (By the way, she is indeed expecting. No joke.)
So, what am I really doing? I’m picking up formula for my very hungry baby. As I navigate my way to the checkout, I remain vigilant, prepared to dodge any acquaintances.
Suddenly, I stop in my tracks. What am I doing? My child is hungry, and I’m simply purchasing food to nourish him. Why should I feel ashamed about that?
With renewed confidence, I retrieve the container from its hiding spot and place it visibly in the cart. Head held high, I pay at the register and walk out with my screaming baby. We drive home for a quick two-minute journey, where I prepare a bottle for him.
As he settles in my arms, happily sucking away, I reflect on the shame I felt about using a bottle. There are several factors contributing to this unnecessary guilt. In the community I grew up in, breastfeeding was the gold standard. I knew mothers who nursed their children exclusively until they were 2 or 3 years old. While I fully support a mother’s right to choose, there often seemed to be an undercurrent of judgment toward those who didn’t follow that path. Questions like, “How long do you plan on breastfeeding?” often felt accusatory, as if bottle feeding was never an option.
When my milk supply dwindled back in April, the few who were aware of it urged me to do everything possible to restore it. Initially, I appreciated the encouragement regarding my breastfeeding journey; however, it soon felt less like support and more like an overwhelming pressure: Pump often, consume oatmeal at every meal, stay hydrated, and get more sleep (which, let’s be real, is a tall order for a new mom!). The mantra “breast is best” echoed around me.
I became fixated on restoring my milk supply, worrying that I was failing my baby by not providing “pure” nourishment. I felt guilty for allowing stress and postpartum challenges to impact this experience. I even left several “crunchy” parenting groups because I feared the backlash I might face if they discovered I was bottle-feeding. Trust me, once those mothers find out, the judgment can be harsh.
We have a handful of cherished photos of my husband feeding our son that I hesitated to share for fear of condemnation. In hindsight, I realize how absurd this all was. Yes, breastfeeding offers numerous emotional and physical benefits, but if my fixation on it detracts from the precious moments of nurturing my child, then it’s time to reevaluate my priorities.
Right now, we’re navigating a blend of breastfeeding and bottle-feeding, and that’s perfectly okay. Feeding my baby—whether by breast or bottle—doesn’t compromise our bond. A full belly equates to a happy baby, and that means I am a good mother. Repeat after me: If my baby’s belly is full, I am a good mother.
Losing your milk supply due to postpartum depression doesn’t make you a bad mother. Being unable to breastfeed because of medical conditions or necessary medications doesn’t reflect poorly on you either. Struggling with latching or choosing to bottle-feed doesn’t define your capabilities as a parent.
The truth is, breastfeeding does not equate to success in motherhood. For more insights on motherhood and parenting, you can explore additional resources on pregnancy and parenting at Modern Family Blog. And if you’re looking for fertility boosters, check out our post on fertility boosters for men.
Summary
This article discusses the pressures and guilt surrounding breastfeeding, emphasizing that feeding a baby—whether through breast or bottle—does not determine a mother’s success. It encourages mothers to embrace their choices without shame and highlights the importance of nourishing their babies in whatever way works best for them.