“I can’t stand this family!” my son yells, stomping off to his room and trying to slam the door shut. When it doesn’t latch properly, he wails as if he’s been mortally wounded. The only thing truly harmed is his pride — and my eardrums.
No, I’m not referring to a moody teen. The one throwing this dramatic fit over my announcement that it’s time to get ready for bed is my youngest, still in preschool. Fortunately, I’ve been through this phase before. As a mother of four, my toddler is currently navigating the world of tantrums. But even with all my experience, some days the chaos can push me to my limits.
Is there a magical switch that flips when a child turns one, transforming them from our sweet little angels into tiny tornadoes that test our patience at every turn? I feel like this question has been pondered by parents for generations.
If parenting your little one feels like an uphill battle, you are certainly not alone. Despite my experience, the typical toddler antics can sometimes drive me up the wall. One minute, they are bubbling with joy, and the next, an emotional storm brews.
Most days, I try to roll with the punches. I remind myself that these big feelings are temporary, and soon we’ll be able to talk things out calmly. But there are days when I feel as if I’m part of a bizarre parenting experiment, being tested at every turn.
Understanding Toddler Behavior
Here’s what I’ve come to understand: Toddlers are meant to explore, which naturally leads to messes and mistakes. They are bound to throw tantrums, but it’s crucial to remember that they aren’t doing this to be irritating. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, “Many times these tantrums happen because they can’t express what they want verbally.”
They recommend that when children use positive sounds or words to gain our attention, we should respond with smiles. Additionally, we should give them our full attention when they communicate. Too often, we’re distracted and fail to offer the eye contact and kind words we wish to receive in return. We can set a good example by actively listening.
Purposeful Parenting
The idea of “Purposeful Parenting” suggests that we should reflect on what we want for our children. If our goal is to raise healthy, happy, and productive adults, we need to start instilling those values now. Kids are eager to learn, and it’s our responsibility to guide them through this process. Even if we follow every step perfectly, tantrums will still happen. Instead of resisting these natural behaviors, we can work with our children to help them learn coping and communication skills.
Purposeful Parenting focuses on six core principles: protective, personal, progressive, positive, playful, and purposeful.
Protective
To be protective, we must meet our children’s basic needs while minimizing toxic stressors. This means allowing some freedom without being overly permissive. Setting boundaries and having realistic expectations is beneficial. The truth is, we can’t control every whim, like our toddler’s urge to raid the kitchen cabinets or throw a fit over a favorite sippy cup.
Personal
Being personal involves accepting and loving our children without labeling them as “good” or “bad.” We should name behaviors and emotions and teach them how to express themselves when they are upset. Too often, fleeting behaviors lead us to label our kids inaccurately.
Progressive
Progressive parenting means adapting our approach as our children grow and change. This includes our discipline methods. We should educate ourselves about child development to better navigate our parenting journey and alleviate our own stress.
Positive
Positivity is essential; celebrating our children’s achievements in specific ways is far more effective than focusing solely on unwanted behaviors. As the AAP notes, “It is much easier to teach the behavior we want than to control unwanted behavior.”
Avoiding physical punishment is crucial, as it can lead to increased stress and diminish the parent-child bond. Instead, fostering a positive environment boosts confidence and encourages forgiveness, reminding our children they can always improve.
Playful
Playfulness is another key aspect; engaging with our kids through play strengthens our relationship. Whether it’s reading together or letting them lead an activity, giving our undivided attention makes a significant difference.
Purposeful
Finally, purposeful parenting involves being mindful of our child’s needs and intentionally working to meet them, even during tough times. We need to keep our long-term goals in mind while nurturing vital skills like language, social abilities, and emotional regulation.
All actions stem from a need or desire, including those of our kids. We must become detectives, uncovering the reasons behind their behavior. As the AAP points out, a tantrum may simply indicate that our child is tired, scared, or seeking attention. Remember that toddlers often lack the vocabulary to articulate their needs, so we must ask questions and encourage dialogue rather than resorting to yelling or punitive measures.
Conclusion
Reading these suggestions can feel overwhelming. Parenting is a challenging, ever-evolving task that demands immense patience, especially with a child prone to explosive outbursts. But I’ve decided to channel my energy into teaching coping and communication skills, rather than fighting against my child’s natural tendencies.
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In summary, parenting toddlers can be a rollercoaster of emotions, but by understanding their needs and employing purposeful strategies, we can foster a more harmonious environment. Embracing patience and communication is key to navigating this challenging phase in their development.
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