If you’ve ever exclaimed, “No, you can’t have a snack. It’s bedtime!” then you know what it means to be a parent. And if you’ve ever relented, well, you might just relate to my experience.
Somewhere along the way, my family fell into the routine of allowing our kids to have snacks before bed. I refer to it as the “fourth meal.” It drives me a bit crazy, it frustrates my husband, and it certainly raises eyebrows when my mom visits.
I often hear comments like, “I serve my child only broccoli and carrots, and if they’re hungry enough, they’ll eat.” While I agree with that philosophy in principle, the reality is that I’m just happy if my kids consume anything for dinner.
I know there are stubborn toddlers and picky tweens at my table who refuse to eat what they deem unappetizing. With my first child, I was adamant about serving only organic, whole foods. My sweet firstborn didn’t even taste sugar until she was two. But then came the second and third children, and everything changed. If they want sugary treats for breakfast, I think to myself, well, at least they let me sleep in a bit longer.
There’s a system behind the chaos of our fourth meal ritual. I prepare dinner almost every night. We rarely resort to takeout or cereal. I’m not bragging; this is just what works for us. Some nights, my kids devour the meal, and other nights, each bite is negotiated with promises of treats or screen time. Regardless, about an hour or two after dinner, they start asking for snacks. Sometimes it’s as simple as toast, while other times we find ourselves whipping up a full fourth meal.
When my kids haven’t eaten much at dinner, I save their plates and offer them again at bedtime. But more often than not, I find myself saying yes when they request a post-dinner meal. Here’s my reasoning:
My children seem to have inherited their father’s extremely fast metabolism. My husband is tall and slender, and he can eat non-stop. On weekends, he’s in the kitchen cooking up snacks and extra meals. My kids are genuinely hungry after dinner. For instance, I’ve seen my daughter polish off two eggs with toast and a large bowl of fruit as her fourth meal. So, I’m okay with them needing a little something before they sleep. They are growing, and they need the calories.
I’ve learned to tell the difference between a genuine hunger and a stalling tactic. Moms everywhere know that when a child is truly hungry, they’ll eat nutritious foods like bananas and yogurt. However, if they’re asking for gummy worms post-dinner, that’s when I say no. If they’re genuinely hungry, they’ll eat more of what I prepared.
My kids don’t have the best eating habits at school. It’s been a continuous struggle to encourage them to eat healthy during their school day, and honestly, it’s just not going to happen consistently. If I consider their overall calorie intake for the day, adding another meal or snack wouldn’t hurt. In fact, they likely need it.
They’re still little. My daughter in particular has had challenges with weight gain and growth. If she says she’s hungry, I feed her. She needs those calories and the energy to thrive academically. If her best meal happens to be right before bed, so be it.
I don’t proactively offer snacks unless my kids ask for them, but honestly, it’s become part of our family routine. Every night is different, and on some evenings, I lack the patience for the fourth meal. On those nights, my kids often shuffle a slice of plain bread into their mouths as they head to brush their teeth.
That said, there are plenty of evenings when I say no. If dinner is served later than usual, I know they aren’t truly hungry yet, so I refuse them snacks. I remind them that once dinner is over, the kitchen is closed.
It can be exhausting to maintain this routine. Who wants to prepare an extra meal every day or face yet another mess to clean? Mealtime is already one of my least favorite parts of the day, but I’ve learned to accept it, brace myself for it, and even try to embrace it. It’s become a family tradition; my little ones understand that if I go through the effort of making that first dinner, they better eat it if they want a second chance.
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Summary:
In this article, Jessica Thompson shares her experience with her family’s “fourth meal” routine, where she allows her kids to have snacks before bed. Although it can be challenging, she discusses the motivations behind this practice, such as her children’s fast metabolism and their struggles to eat well during the day. Despite the exhaustion that comes with preparing additional meals, she has come to embrace this part of their family life.