“I’m sorry,” I say to my teenage babysitter, Jenna. It’s 2:45 PM, and I promised to pick her up at 3:00. She waves me off, “No worries.”
“No, really,” I explain. “I have ADHD. I have a choice: I can either arrive late and scramble, or I can compensate and show up early. So I choose to overcompensate. I was going to be 25 minutes ahead of schedule, but I drove around aimlessly instead.”
We both chuckle, while my children in the backseat roll their eyes. They know I’m serious. Sometimes, we arrive a half-hour early for our homeschool co-op, and I often realize the timing miscalculation too late, necessitating a long detour. We fill the time by singing along to The Beatles, which isn’t so bad—it’s just one more way I waste time.
As a mom managing ADHD, my life can feel like a series of missed opportunities, forgotten tasks, and misplaced belongings. Even with medication, I struggle with aspects of motherhood that others seem to handle effortlessly.
The Laundry Dilemma
Take laundry, for example. Instead of hampers being full, my kitchen is overwhelmed with baskets of clean clothes. I must sort them and carry them to their respective rooms (I stopped folding them long ago and now just leave them in personalized baskets). Completing one basket should take no more than 10 minutes, yet I have 12 loads sitting there—a daunting laundry event. I don’t want to tackle it, I can’t find the time, and by day’s end, I’m too exhausted to even think about it. So, the piles continue to loom over my kitchen table, teasing me.
My husband, too, has ADHD and approaches the dishes similarly. We kindly ask guests to steer clear of our kitchen. My oldest son shares this trait, which means he too often misplaces his belongings. His backpack frequently gets left behind in various locations: co-op, church, and brunch spots. We regularly find ourselves making trips to friends’ houses to retrieve that well-loved, tattered Star Wars backpack. Luckily, my attachment to my phone (another ADHD hallmark) means I rarely misplace it. However, we still leave toys at the playground, forget shoes and socks, and I sometimes forget packed lunches, resorting to fast food instead. Losing items is no big issue when it’s just art projects; it becomes concerning when it’s an EpiPen.
Establishing Rituals
Establishing rituals is crucial for us. I must take my medication first thing in the morning, or it’ll slip my mind. After that, I need to have coffee for an hour. When we start our school day, we must follow a specific order: reading, math, social studies, writing, and science. Maybe we’ll even squeeze in some catechism. Lunch is always at noon, and our trips to Target follow a certain route; if we deviate, we tend to forget something from our list. Target stores that are laid out differently than what we’re used to are simply not an option.
The Hyperfocus Phenomenon
Then there’s the hyperfocus. It’s what enables me to write this essay while my children are bouncing on our new couches for 15 minutes, only noticing when someone starts to cry. I’m vaguely aware of the couch antics; they just don’t register as urgently as a distressed child. You can’t speak to my son during his favorite show—Ninjago—without physically touching him to grab his attention.
Today, both he and I were engrossed in reading, completely oblivious to the younger kids who decided to spray water everywhere in the bathroom with a diaper sprayer. They claimed there were ants but were really just indulging in a water fight. They know when we’re deeply focused, they can get away with almost anything, so we learn to tune them out—it’s a necessary coping strategy.
The Reality of ADHD Motherhood
Being a mother with ADHD means frequently running late or arriving far too early. It involves perpetually forgetting essentials like wipes, paper towels, trash bags, knives, or even full lunches. My husband has to use the credit card while I’m in the midst of a doctor’s appointment because it was left on the computer desk—so was mine. My car resembles a cluttered mess, filled with various items we put off cleaning until tomorrow. Someone is always handing me my son’s coat, artwork, or that pesky backpack. We misplace library books, and I often don’t notice when my children have poured glitter glue until it’s too late.
But ultimately, being an ADHD mom is still just being a mom. While the challenges may be amplified and more visible, the core struggles are universal among mothers. It may seem chaotic, and the enforced routines can make us appear disorganized, yet we find joy amidst the whirlwind. We’re happy, and so are our kids. This is our life, and we embrace it to the best of our ability—even if it means sometimes losing ourselves in hyperfocus.
Further Reading
For more insights on the unique challenges of parenthood, check out this article that dives deeper into these experiences. If you’re also considering options like home insemination, you can learn more about it here. For excellent resources on pregnancy and related topics, visit Healthline.
Summary
Navigating motherhood with ADHD presents unique challenges, including time management difficulties, misplacing belongings, and the need for established routines. While these struggles can make life feel chaotic and disorganized, they are familiar to many mothers. Ultimately, ADHD can amplify the usual parenting hurdles, but it doesn’t diminish the joy and fulfillment found in the family dynamic.