Parenting
By: Lisa Chen
Updated: June 20, 2023
Every so often, I check my email only to find an article from my dad about the perils of parents being absorbed in their phones. “Did you catch that piece I sent?” he inquires, while I scroll through my Instagram feed. I offer a polite smile before diving back into social media. My daughter is playing on the floor, blissfully unaware of my digital distraction.
I understand that it may appear I spend an excessive amount of time on my phone, and perhaps I do. But let’s be real: I’m with my child 24/7, and the majority of my connection to the outside world comes through that little screen.
Like many parents, my friends and I are juggling kids, careers, and various commitments that keep us from meeting face-to-face. So, the easiest way to stay in touch is through text messages, Facebook Messenger, or even Snapchat (yes, it makes me feel youthful, so don’t judge). Many of my friends live in different states or we’ve only interacted online, so my phone serves as my lifeline to connect with them, keep tabs on their lives, and let them know I’m thinking of them—whether it’s through a comment on a Facebook post or a like on an Instagram photo.
My phone is my connection to a broader community, especially when I spend my days with a toddler who only occasionally seeks my attention. So, when a friend sends me a message or a snap, I’m quick to respond simply because, let’s face it, I might be a bit bored or in need of a breather. Playing with a 3-year-old can be monotonous; after about 20 minutes of pretending to be a train conductor, my interest wanes. He’s content with my presence, often just needing me to be around without actively engaging, so I’ll take a moment to scroll through social media or check my emails. If he requests my attention, I gladly put my phone down to play.
I’m that parent at the playground, often absorbed in my phone. As soon as my daughter is out of her stroller, she runs off to explore, and if we’re alone, I let her. Sure, I’ll put my phone down to chase her around and keep her entertained, but I also encourage her independence and suggest she find something to do on her own. I refuse to play the role of an entertainer 24/7.
When we go out for family meals, I make it a point to stay off my device (unless I need to check the time—who wears a watch anymore?). I cherish those moments for conversations, sharing jokes, and encouraging her to try new foods. However, at home, I must admit it’s a different story, and I’m striving to be more mindful about using my phone during mealtimes.
What my family doesn’t understand is the online community I’ve cultivated, where I often seek advice on challenges like potty training or getting my child to eat and sleep better. There’s a genuine sense of support there (though I tend to steer clear of comment sections), helping me feel connected to other parents navigating similar hurdles.
Beyond that, I have to use my phone daily for work. As a writer, it’s crucial to stay updated on current events, trending topics, and the latest gossip. This not only helps me create content but also allows me to contribute to our household financially. I communicate with colleagues throughout the day to share ideas or seek assistance on various projects. And sometimes, it’s comforting to vent with fellow writers about the struggles of writer’s block and the fear of being perceived as unqualified (again, that sense of community is essential).
Yes, feel free to poke fun at me for being a millennial glued to my phone, and you’d be right. But there are valid reasons behind it. We aren’t just self-absorbed individuals; social media has woven itself into the fabric of our lives. Spending time on my phone doesn’t make me a negligent mother. I’m always aware of my child’s safety and well-being while providing for her needs and facilitating adventures made possible by my remote work schedule. Taking brief breaks to check in on social media refreshes me and helps me return to my daughter with renewed energy.
Phones may be a necessary evil in my life, both for work and social interaction, and I choose to embrace that reality. It would be great if others, like my dad, would ease up on the judgment.
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In summary, while my phone may often be in hand, it’s a tool for connection, work, and community. Balancing parenting with the demands of modern life can be tricky, and I aim to navigate it with grace.