My partner, Lisa, is definitely a night owl—or at least, that’s what I’ve come to believe. To be honest, I’ve lost track of when she actually goes to bed. It could be as late as 4 a.m. by the time I finally drift off, completely unaware.
For a long time, Lisa stayed up late to enjoy some precious alone time, a concept I initially found difficult to grasp. However, once she articulated how our kids constantly cling to her, it began to make sense. Those late-night hours allow her to watch a movie without a cartoon character or dive into a book that isn’t geared toward children, all while the house is quiet and free from requests for juice boxes.
On the flip side, I’ve transitioned into an early-to-bed, early-to-rise routine. I wasn’t always this way; in our early marriage, I worked in a restaurant and often came home long after Lisa had gone to bed. Now, nearly 14 years later, I’m in bed by 10 p.m. and awake around 5:30 or 6 a.m. I rise early for the same reasons Lisa stays up late—to carve out some time for myself to pursue activities I enjoy. Thankfully, our kids are older now and can manage their own breakfast and TV time, allowing us to sleep in peace.
So, it boils down to this: around 9:50 p.m., I give Lisa a quick kiss and say goodnight. In the morning, I kiss her as she sleeps soundly. I suspect many parents find themselves on opposite schedules. It seems that once you become a dad, waking up early becomes part of the package. I’ve noticed similar comments from mothers who share the same experience. Just recently, I wrote a piece about Lisa’s late-night habits, and countless parents chimed in, confirming that they too stay up late for some much-needed solitude.
How This Affects Our Relationship
But how does this arrangement affect our relationship? Initially, it wasn’t great. We used to share the bed, snuggling and discussing our day until we drifted off together. I genuinely miss those moments, as we haven’t shared a bedtime in years. We’ve had arguments over our conflicting sleep schedules—she didn’t understand my need for early sleep, and I couldn’t grasp her desire to stay up late.
For couples with different sleep patterns, it can feel as though you are two co-workers passing each other in the hallway. Tensions can arise: unless the kids are unwell or there’s an emergency, I’m going to bed at 10 p.m. And sometimes, Lisa wishes I would stay up longer to spend time with her. I occasionally oblige, but more often than not, I choose sleep.
Conversely, I sometimes hope she’ll rise earlier to join me for morning activities, but she values her sleep just as much as I do.
Finding a Functional Rhythm
Overall, we’ve managed to find a functional rhythm. I can write in the morning while Lisa enjoys her solitude at night, and we meet in the middle during the day. On weekends, I let her sleep in, and she allows me to hit the hay early. We still make time for each other—we go out on dates and even send sweet texts filled with hearts and kissy faces. Despite our differing schedules, we’ve made it work.
So, if you find yourself in a similar situation—one partner settling in for the night while the other stays up late—know that you’re not alone; it’s quite common. The real key is how you spend the time in between your schedules.
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In summary, while differing sleep schedules can create challenges in a relationship, understanding and compromise can lead to a functional and loving partnership. Embrace your individual routines and find ways to connect during the times you do share.
Keyphrase: Early Bird and Night Owl Relationship Dynamics
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