Last week, I bumped into my dear friend and colleague, Laura, in the parking lot of our children’s preschool.
“Hey! Did you get a new car?” I asked, noticing her vehicle.
“No, I was in an accident,” she replied.
“Oh no! Why didn’t you mention it?”
“Because I don’t want to be a downer,” she said, visibly trying to hold herself together.
“Really? You were in a wreck and didn’t say anything?”
“I’m just having a rough week. I lost my cool with the kids yesterday and again this morning. I feel like I’m failing at everything.”
As I listened to Laura, I recognized the all-too-familiar unraveling of emotions—a scenario I often find myself in with my girlfriends, my sister, and even my mother. I waited for the right moment to step in.
“It’s just a tough week, that’s all,” I said, moving closer. “That doesn’t define you as a mother or a partner. We all have days when we feel overwhelmed. I was there last week, and now it’s your turn. It will pass.”
In essence: “I see you. I empathize. I still love you, and so does your family.”
Let’s be honest; it’s time to drop the pretense. Being a mom is a demanding job, regardless of the day. Those who think they can easily navigate this path are in for a surprise. With so many responsibilities, simply getting through the day is a commendable achievement.
As mothers, we experience two types of days: the ones when we have enough milk for breakfast and the ones when we discover it’s two weeks past its expiration date after pouring it over cereal. The days we catch the bus, and the days we sprint after it, only to be chastised by the driver. The days we find matching shoes, and the days we can’t find any at all. The days we argue with our five-year-olds, and the days we argue with them again. Motherhood is no joke, and it’s certainly not for the faint-hearted. It can leave you feeling drained and weary.
I can usually tell what kind of day awaits me within minutes of my children waking up. It hits me like the heavy air before a storm. But we don’t show our struggles. Instead, we smile and push down our frustrations because we think it makes us lesser mothers or partners if we’re not excelling at everything. But that’s simply not true.
I often joke, “God makes them cute so you don’t send them back.” In my case, he doubled down and made my kids hilarious, knowing I have a short temper.
On one particularly chaotic morning, I broke the unspoken rule and let my frustrations spill out. When a colleague asked how my morning was going, I admitted, “I’m fine, except I feel like I want to go on strike against my family for a few days.” Her eyes lit up, and I realized I had opened the door for authenticity.
“Once when my kids were little, I told my husband my sister needed me, and I booked a hotel for the weekend. I just watched TV and indulged,” she confessed. We both laughed, realizing how many times we could have shared our stories of motherhood’s challenges.
In that parking lot, I could see the internal struggle within Laura, torn between being vulnerable and maintaining a facade of perfection. I understand this battle well—the decision of how much to share, when to share, and the fear of how it might alter others’ perceptions of our seemingly perfect lives.
As women, we are efficient and prepared, juggling countless responsibilities daily. Yet, this constant caregiving can wear us down. In holistic nursing, there’s a concept called Code Violet. When a caregiver is in emotional distress, they wear a purple bracelet to signal their need for understanding. It might be time for mothers to have a similar code—maybe Code Yellow or Code Brown (to signify we’re in deep trouble). This way, we can offer support to one another during tough moments.
If you have a flawless household and perfectly behaved children, that’s wonderful. But for many of us, it can feel isolating. We don’t often share how we sometimes find our kids unbearable or how we long for a break from the carpool line. We might even envy our neighbor’s spotless home while ours seems to be breeding dust.
Imagine a world where we could wear our emotional struggles openly. If I spotted you in the wine aisle, teary-eyed and sporting a brown wristband, I might offer to pick up your kids for an hour, no strings attached. And you might return the favor when you see me struggling with my own chaos. It’s an exchange of empathy based on shared experiences.
So, who’s with me? Let’s reject the stigma surrounding our struggles and instead, support each other. I am more than willing to help watch your children or listen to your tales of the absurdity of parenting. No one understands a mother’s challenges like another mother does. I believe that speaking openly about our struggles is the first step to overcoming them.
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Summary
Genuine support among mothers is essential in navigating the complex journey of parenting. It’s vital to acknowledge the struggles we face, embrace vulnerability, and foster an environment where we can share our experiences openly. By creating a culture of empathy, we can strengthen our bonds and provide the encouragement we all need.
Keyphrase: support for mothers
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