Updated: Dec. 20, 2018
Originally Published: April 19, 2018
Research on autism in young girls is still in its infancy. The differentiation in diagnostic criteria between genders is an emerging area of study, suggesting that the current ratio of autism diagnoses—4 boys for every girl—might be outdated. Following my son’s diagnosis, my quest for understanding led me to discover that I, too, fall on the autism spectrum.
Last summer, my son received his autism diagnosis. From the moment he entered the world, I sensed he was unique. However, each time I observed a “quirky” behavior, I reassured myself and others by saying, “That’s just how I was.” He was an ideal baby—slept soundly, played independently, and rarely cried. He communicated non-verbally before he could walk, was incredibly careful at a young age, and displayed remarkable cognitive abilities, like reciting letters and musical notes before reaching his first birthday. Yet, in some areas, especially expressive language and socialization, he was either lagging or just meeting developmental milestones.
As his fourth birthday approached, I realized my reassurances were misplaced when he hadn’t formed a single spontaneous sentence. We arranged for an evaluation with the local school district’s special education director. What was meant to be a simple paperwork session turned into an urgent recommendation for him to enter a special preschool program designed for children with special needs.
In my state of denial and shock, I mechanically signed consent forms, barely processing what the woman was saying. I later sifted through the mountain of paperwork and resources I received, quickly identifying his Sensory Processing Disorder. The shift in his behavior after his younger brother was born was unexpected. My calm, independent child was replaced by a frustrated and agitated version of himself.
New behaviors emerged: climbing on furniture, a fascination with spinning objects, obsessively capturing images of his toys on my phone, and a strong aversion to anything sticky or loud. Despite my research, I thought, “Perhaps he just has SPD and a speech delay.”
On the day of his evaluation, specialists engaged him in play-based tests while I answered extensive questions about his routines and social interactions. The more they probed, the more I felt an unsettling intuition forming in my gut. After two hours, the team concluded he was “a conundrum” and suggested observing him in class with peers and his teacher.
In the weeks that followed, I wrestled with denial. My knowledge of autism was scant; it seemed like a taboo topic that some parents were so wary of they would forgo vaccinations to avoid it—a myth that has since been debunked. The day I received the diagnosis call was overwhelming. I found myself crying, fearing that my son wouldn’t love me and feeling guilty for “breaking” him. I worried that his recent challenges would rob him of happiness.
The stigma tied to this diagnosis felt unjust. Determined to learn more, I dove into reputable websites, educational videos, and library books about autism, seeking answers and ways to support him. The only correlated cause I found was genetic. “But no one in my family is autistic!” I thought.
As I continued my research, I recognized traits in myself: difficulties with social cues, awkward conversational transitions, and heightened sensitivities to sensory stimuli. Understanding these shared experiences with my son made it clear to me that autism is likely hereditary. The traits that define his autism are woven into his identity—inseparable from his personality. I found joy in the similarities we share, like his intense focus and deep curiosity about the world.
As I began to embrace my son’s unique qualities, I realized I needed to find ways to help him navigate the structured environment of public schooling and adulthood. I sought out parenting groups on social media but found many filled with negativity and frustration. I ultimately found solace in a supportive community called Embracing Autism, where fellow parents and autistic individuals shared their stories with positivity.
Through this journey, many childhood memories resurfaced—my own struggles with anxiety, social interactions, and feeling out of place. I too had often felt like an outsider, constantly worried that my demeanor was misinterpreted. I learned to mask my true self, making my resting face more inviting and practicing eye contact, all while battling my own internal confusion and fear.
Now, as I reflect on my life, I recognize that the traits I once viewed as burdensome have shaped who I am. Understanding my son’s autism has led me to a profound realization about my own identity. It’s a journey of acceptance, love, and growth for both of us.
If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination options, check out this home insemination kit, which provides helpful insights. For those considering pregnancy, this resource on the IVF process is invaluable.
In conclusion, my son’s autism diagnosis opened a door to understanding my own identity, revealing the importance of acceptance and support for both of us on this journey.
Keyphrase: Autism Diagnosis Self-Discovery
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]