When I began my family with my former partner, we both agreed that I would take on the role of stay-at-home parent while he focused on building his business. I felt fortunate; I had seen many working mothers in the office struggling and often coming in visibly upset. I remember one friend had to bring her young child to work with her, fearing she’d be fired if she didn’t. Finding dependable childcare was a challenge for her, as her partner’s unpredictable fire department schedule added to the chaos.
The mothers I knew didn’t pretend to have it all figured out, but they certainly tried and often felt guilty about it. While I was relieved to be home with my little ones, I quickly discovered that my workload was heavier than ever. If I had to add a job on top of parenting, I would have been overwhelmed.
During those years, I lost a part of my husband. He grew frustrated if I asked him to handle small tasks like changing a light bulb when he got home. His evenings were spent unwinding, leaving me to manage everything else: cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, appointments, carpooling, and keeping up with our social life. I wasn’t alone in this struggle; many mothers shared similar experiences. One friend told me that when she returned to work, her husband suggested she simply accept the messiness of their home instead of helping out more.
The reality is that the traditional 40-hour workweek was never structured to support working mothers in balancing their responsibilities at home. In fact, most of us are working well beyond 40 hours a week, not even taking into account commuting.
A recent post on social media resonated with many mothers, especially as we approach the holiday season, a time when we strive to create memorable experiences for our children. It’s essential to remember that the concept of a 40-hour workweek was established during an era of strict gender roles, where men were primarily breadwinners while women managed the home. Although attitudes toward women in the workforce have evolved, the expectations surrounding women’s domestic responsibilities have not.
We shouldn’t be expected to juggle a career, parenting, and household duties all at once; that’s essentially three jobs. Yet, too often, mothers feel inadequate if they return home without the energy to prepare a gourmet meal, keep a spotless house, spend quality time with their children, and maintain their personal relationships—all while preparing to do it all over again the next day.
One commenter noted the importance of breaking the cycle for future generations, advocating for open discussions about shared responsibilities. Another remarked on the unfair stigma women face when household tasks remain unfinished, urging for a shift in modern partnerships.
The truth is, my ex-husband never felt the weight of failure for only managing work and brief playtime with the kids. It wasn’t until we separated, and he had to navigate parenting while working that he began to appreciate the extent of my efforts.
So, stop criticizing yourself for not achieving an immaculate home or for skipping dinner prep tonight. It’s okay to ask for help; it’s okay to lower your own expectations. Men often have no issue unwinding after work, so why should we? Remember, your happiness matters more than a perfectly organized home.
This article originally appeared on Dec. 18, 2020.
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Summary:
The traditional 40-hour workweek was not designed with the realities of motherhood in mind. Many mothers find themselves overwhelmed as they juggle work and household responsibilities, often feeling inadequate. It’s crucial to acknowledge that the expectations placed on women have not evolved alongside their professional roles. Encouraging dialogue about shared responsibilities can help shift these outdated norms, allowing mothers to prioritize their well-being over unattainable standards.
Keyphrase: 40-hour workweek and motherhood
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