The first time I watched The Princess Bride, I was around 8 or 9 years old. If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend stopping what you’re doing and watching it right now—it’s a cinematic gem. For those familiar with the film, remember the moment when Westley constantly responds to Buttercup with “As you wish”? Over time, she realizes that each time he says that, he is really expressing his love for her. That moment melted my heart, along with everyone else in the theater.
I always thought I understood love—at least, the initial thrill of it. It felt like sacrifice was at the core, right? Well, yes, but as the years go by—10, 20, even 30 years into marriage—that initial romantic phrase can fade into the silence of two people who still care but struggle to communicate effectively.
This is the experience that Jake and Emily found themselves grappling with after years of marriage. According to a viral blog post by Jake, they wed at the young age of 21, entering into the partnership with unrealistic expectations about love. Honestly, this is a common story; many couples expect it to be one way, only to be met with the reality of countless disagreements over trivial things like how to load the dishwasher.
Don’t get me wrong—I love my wife and our marriage, but after 14 years together, what once was “as you wish” has morphed into “please take care of this child before I lose my mind.”
Jake shared with NBC that, after years of love, he and Emily were lost in how to make their relationship work. One day, while in the shower, he broke down and had a breakthrough moment: he realized that he couldn’t change Emily, but he could change himself.
He began asking her one simple question each morning: “How can I make your day better?”
Take a moment to appreciate the power of such a straightforward question. Life can feel like a boulder that needs rolling, and it doesn’t take breaks. Having a partner who looks you in the eyes and genuinely wants to share the load is incredibly impactful, isn’t it?
At first, Emily didn’t respond as Jake had hoped. She began with requests for him to clean the kitchen and tackle the garage. But similar to Buttercup asking Westley for help with chores, Jake’s willingness to assist came from a place of love. Eventually, Emily experienced her own revelation: “I should be asking you that.” She apologized and inquired if they could simply spend more time together.
Now, they both start their mornings by asking this question, and Jake reports that it has significantly enriched their marriage.
I know some of you might be rolling your eyes at this suggestion. You might feel overwhelmed and think your partner should be the one making an effort. While that may be true, Jake emphasized that he realized he was equally responsible for the state of their relationship. “I’m not the great guy I thought I was,” he confessed. “I have a lot of issues, and I was blaming her instead of looking at myself.” Now that’s some refreshing self-awareness.
It’s crucial to ensure that the request for assistance comes from a genuine place. This should never serve as a manipulative tactic, but rather as a means to mend a strained marriage. If you find yourself in a relationship where such a question could lead to further manipulation, it’s better to refrain. However, if your partnership is generally healthy but perhaps stagnant, asking how you can support each other requires humility. Ultimately, love and marriage demand a significant amount of humility. The hope is that if you show love and support, your partner will reciprocate, as has happened for Jake and Emily.
There’s no magic solution to marital problems. I wish there were, but this question is a powerful way to foster improvement if both partners are willing. Tomorrow morning, I plan to ask my wife this question, and I’m hopeful she will reciprocate.
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In summary, the journey of marriage can be complex, but open communication and genuine support can rekindle love and connection. The simple question of how to make each other’s day better has the potential to transform a relationship, fostering a deeper understanding and affection between partners.
Keyphrase: How one question saved a marriage
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