The scenario is all too familiar: a child engages in bullying behavior, the parent intervenes with punishment, the child grows resentful, and the cycle continues. This approach often leads to more punishment, increased resentment, and very little change. Even when the child eventually modifies their behavior, the underlying issues remain unaddressed, creating a divide between parent and child.
The issue arises from using punishment as a response to bullying. Such behavior typically originates from a lack of empathy and compassion, coupled with a desire to exert control over others. These tendencies are often learned from parents who, ironically, may exhibit the same domineering behavior they later punish their children for.
Take, for instance, a viral incident involving a father and his 10-year-old son. The boy had been removed from the school bus for bullying, and instead of providing support, the father made him run to school in the rain while filming it for social media, expecting praise for his parenting style. This action, which seems more like bullying than discipline, reflects a misuse of power and authority.
Rather than connecting with his son, who is clearly struggling with internal issues—after all, bullying is often a symptom of deeper pain—the father chose humiliation as a form of punishment. This approach breeds resentment and reinforces a cycle of hurt and domination. Children who experience such treatment often internalize these lessons, perpetuating the cycle of bullying.
I recognize that this perspective may seem overly simplistic. Many factors influence a child’s decision to bully, including personal, emotional, and psychological aspects. However, one fundamental way we learn is through example. The father’s lack of empathy in his punitive actions suggests a long-standing pattern in their relationship, likely leading to more negative behaviors, including bullying.
So, should the father have simply ignored his son’s behavior and driven him to school? Not at all. What I propose is this: (1) authoritarian and disrespectful parenting often resembles bullying and perpetuates the cycle, and (2) the antidote to bullying is kindness. TRUE kindness. By modeling positive behavior, parents can guide their children to treat others with respect.
Imagine a different approach. Instead of punishing his son, the father could have asked, “What’s bothering you? How can I help?” or expressed, “I recognize my past behavior hasn’t been the best. I’m sorry. You deserve respect, just as everyone else does. Let’s work on this together.” They could have grabbed ice cream and discussed these issues, strengthening their bond. If walking to school was deemed necessary, he could have accompanied his son, using the time to model accountability and support.
Numerous strategies exist for a father to assist his son in overcoming bullying while fostering their relationship rather than alienating him through punitive measures. While the father’s actions may have halted his son’s bullying on the bus, they did nothing to address the pain motivating that behavior. In fact, they likely deepened it.
Ultimately, it’s important to remember that hurt people often hurt others, and kindness is key to fostering change.
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Summary
Public humiliation as a punishment for bullying is ineffective parenting and only perpetuates a cycle of hurt. Instead of resorting to shame, parents should engage with their children through kindness and understanding, fostering a supportive environment that encourages positive change.
Keyphrase: Public humiliation and parenting
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