Those fleeting moments in my seven-minute showers are the most creative parts of my day. I hear a commotion, but I know it’s not a real emergency. It’s just my child initiating a search for that elusive pink bouncy ball that went missing weeks ago. But that doesn’t stop my mind from spiraling into a list of “what ifs.”
That loud noise from upstairs could be my son just knocking over a toy in his quest, or it might be him scaling his bookcase and somehow pulling it down, despite having never shown an interest in climbing. Or perhaps he’s not even up there anymore, distracted by hunger and trying to slice apples—what if he’s hurt himself? Maybe he’s just reading quietly and sustained a paper cut while rummaging for Band-Aids. If he can reach those, he might also find those enticing vitamin gummies, and today could be the day he figures out how to open childproof packaging.
Even though he clings to my side when I’m not in the shower, who knows? Today might be the day he decides to unlock the door and venture off to the grocery store on his own. Our door creaks, but with the shower running and the fan humming, I might not even hear it. I contemplate turning off the light because really, I only need it for shaving, but let’s be honest, I wouldn’t take the time to do that anyway.
Each shower becomes an exercise in imagination, but they all conclude similarly: a generally content child quietly entertained. Sure, I’ve emerged to scenes that could be featured on Instagram, but thankfully, nothing has made the evening news.
I could choose to skip all this anxiety and shower while he naps, but that requires him to actually fall asleep. And if he does wake up mid-shower, what if he doesn’t go back to sleep? Those naps are my precious writing time. If I have to choose between a shower and writing, I’m grabbing my laptop.
Alternatively, I could shower at night. But after a day of caring for my child, a husband who works late, and a little one who goes to bed even later, all I want to do is hit the pillow. When the choice is between showering and sleeping, sleep wins every time.
However, these dilemmas about shower timing miss the point. The likelihood of kids getting hurt while parents are showering is about the same as when parents are occupied elsewhere. If you’re looking for horror stories of children getting injured while their parents indulge in self-care, you might be disappointed.
So, why are there so many memes about using dry shampoo? Why do parents seek permission to shower from online communities? When Jessica Franklin suggested that new moms could shower daily, she was taken aback by the wave of backlash. Commenters insisted she must be lying, claiming no mom could possibly shower every day.
Upon reflecting on the criticism, Franklin suggests that skipping a shower has become a “badge of honor” among parents. It’s as if not showering signifies suffering, and new moms are expected to endure. “The hours of labor, whether you had pain relief, how long you breastfed, how little sleep you got—these are the metrics of motherhood,” Franklin explains.
When we say we “don’t have time to shower,” we’re not talking about the ten minutes it takes to rinse off. Instead, we’re addressing the overwhelming demands of parenthood. We “can’t” shower because we need to make school lunches, clean up messes, prepare dinner, help with homework, or coach a soccer team. We feel like we can’t step away for a moment because we’re meant to be super parents.
Injuries during eating, playing, or schooling are just part of childhood. But the thought of them getting hurt while we take a moment for ourselves fills us with guilt. We “can’t” shower because we’re meant to be there for our kids every moment.
There are many ways to approach this “can’t.” We could accept that we don’t need to shower every day and reduce the worry surrounding it. We could bring the littlest ones in the bathroom with us so we can keep an eye on them. We could recognize that kids will never be entirely safe, even if we try to bubble-wrap our homes. But even then, we’d likely still be anxious.
What if we reimagined showering as an act of independence? Our bathroom doors and curtains can remind us that our kids are capable of being alone, encouraging us to detach ourselves from the role of super parent, even if just for ten minutes.
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Summary
The article explores the chaotic reality of motherhood, highlighting the reasons why many moms struggle to find time to shower. It delves into the mental acrobatics involved in balancing self-care with parenting responsibilities and societal pressures. Ultimately, it suggests that showering can represent a small yet significant act of independence for mothers.
Keyphrase: “why moms don’t have time to shower”
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