When my partner and I decided to start a family, I believed I had to stop taking my medications. So, in preparation for conception, I did just that—and it turned into a nightmare.
Throughout my pregnancy, I faced relentless panic, overwhelming anxiety, obsessive thoughts, and a constant state of worry. This wasn’t your average stress; I would wake up at the crack of dawn, my mind racing with obsessive thoughts and panic, unable to return to sleep. Days went by where I dreaded even getting out of bed, fearing another day of battling my racing mind.
I searched tirelessly for something—anything—that could alleviate my symptoms without endangering my baby. The feeling of failure was suffocating. I felt broken and ashamed. Eventually, I returned to medication around the beginning of my second trimester. I started with a minimal dose that barely scratched the surface of my anxiety, but I was terrified to increase it. However, I eventually did increase it. And again. And again. By the conclusion of my pregnancy, I had raised the dose enough that I finally felt a hint of calmness, a touch of happiness, and a sense of reclaiming my identity.
If I could rewrite my narrative, I would choose to live without anxiety, to never have a history of depression. I would prefer to be a woman who never had to worry about medications or choose between my mental health and my baby’s well-being. But this is my reality, and I didn’t get a say in the matter.
I’m not particularly happy with my situation. If there existed a magical herb, homeopathic remedy, essential oil, supplement, yoga practice, meditation technique, or therapy that could help, I would have wholeheartedly embraced it. But nothing else seemed to work for me.
This experience has shown me that there is no universal approach to pregnancy, childbirth, or postpartum life. Each choice carries its own set of risks and benefits. Ultimately, only I can determine what is best for myself and my family.
I want to extend my support to you, regardless of your choices. I understand that only you know what you need and what is best for you and your baby. Whether you opt for an epidural, a cesarean section, or a completely unplanned birth, I stand by you. No matter how you choose to parent, what diapers you select, or how you feed your child, I support you. I can never fully comprehend your journey or the factors that have shaped your decisions, so I trust you, even if medication is part of your pregnancy.
(Do speak with your healthcare providers about your decision to take medication during pregnancy, just as I did.)
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Summary
My journey through pregnancy while managing anxiety and medication has taught me the importance of personal choice and support. Each experience is unique, and it’s vital to respect the decisions of others as they navigate their own paths to motherhood.
Keyphrase: Staying Medicated During Pregnancy
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