Updated: Jan. 21, 2016
Originally Published: May 12, 2014
My ten-year-old daughter, Emma, has a clear preference for clothing from the boys’ section. She gravitates towards oversized, unstructured t-shirts featuring superheroes, like Spider-Man. With her hair always styled in two braids, even at bedtime, Emma sports thick, gorgeous blonde locks. Her striking wide-set blue eyes, high cheekbones, and long, graceful limbs remind me of a young foal. To me, she is undeniably beautiful, but she doesn’t share that concern.
Last year, I insisted she let her braids down for her class picture. It was a major struggle, and I resorted to some not-so-fair tactics. I expressed my worries about her braids resembling a security blanket (which they kind of do) and how I wanted her to feel comfortable with her hair in any style to avoid potential bullying (which, admittedly, is true). I even offered to bribe her with a fabulous Obi Wan Kenobi FX lightsaber—an item that could have easily covered a month’s groceries!
Beneath my plea for her emotional well-being, the real motive was simple: I wanted her to look pretty in her school photos, with her hair cascading around her face, ready to show off to family and friends. On picture day, Emma wore her hair in ponytails and only let it down for the photo, which I later learned was quite the spectacle for her classmates. They gasped and cheered her on, showering her with compliments about her beauty. Afterward, one of her friends delicately braided her hair back for her.
When I received the school photo a month later, I saw that my plan had worked—Emma looked lovely with her flowing hair. Yet, she also appeared somewhat different, almost as if she were playing a part rather than just being herself.
I’ve since come to terms with this. I’ve realized that my daughter doesn’t need to align with my vision of beauty. She’s not required to care about conventional attractiveness. However, I do insist on one thing: she must wash her hair at least once a week—no exceptions there! But my girl is not going to define herself by her looks, like I did, and still do.
What truly characterizes Emma are her passions: crafting weapons from paper, learning to draw manga by following online tutorials, enjoying marathon Dungeons and Dragons sessions with her dad, diving into The Hunger Games with me, playing the piano, and beginning her journey in Judo. The list is endless and speaks to who she is.
These kids, honestly, show us how to live authentically. If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination and parenting, check out this resource on treating infertility or learn about couples’ fertility journeys that can guide you through your own experiences.
And for those looking to navigate parenthood creatively, consider exploring our post on using an artificial insemination kit to broaden your family’s possibilities.
In summary, I’ve learned that my daughter’s worth is not tied to her appearance. Instead, it’s her interests and individuality that define her, and I’m embracing that wholeheartedly.
Keyphrase: Stopped Pressuring Daughter Beauty Standards
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