I wouldn’t classify myself as a “free-range” parent, nor am I a helicopter parent. I occupy a space in between. I’m cautious and aware of potential dangers, yet I trust my instincts when making parenting choices, all while trying to care as little as possible about others’ opinions.
However, my “I don’t care” attitude faced a serious test today when I left my 5-year-old at home for a few minutes while I walked his older brother to school.
Before you rush to judgment, let me explain how I arrived at that decision. My youngest was sick, suffering from a nasty cough, and was slumped over his iPad watching a video. Meanwhile, my 11-year-old was running late for school. To top it off, it was a frigid 30 degrees outside—definitely not ideal for a little one with a hacking cough.
While my kids’ school is just down the street, reaching it requires crossing a busy intersection. Although my older son is mostly capable of walking to school alone, I hesitate to let him go by himself in the morning due to reckless drivers who seem to disregard the school zone.
My dilemma was this: I didn’t want to drag my coughing 5-year-old into the cold for the 5-10 minutes it would take to drop off his brother. Initially, the idea of leaving him home alone didn’t even cross my mind. Five is incredibly young, right? It certainly felt that way to me. I had never left him unattended, except for brief moments to check the mail or toss out the trash.
Then I had a realization. I often step out for a minute to do things like take out the trash because I can see the house from where I stand. Similarly, I allow my 5-year-old to play on our patio while I’m nearby. The distance to the school was just a step further, and I’d be back in mere minutes.
Plus, my tech-savvy, already reading-and-writing 5-year-old can text me from his iPad. We frequently communicate this way, and I was confident he would reach out if anything went wrong.
Every aspect of my plan seemed reasonable to me, and I felt no real fear about the situation. Yet, as I began to explain it to my kids, anxiety gripped me. My worry wasn’t about leaving him; it was about potential judgment from others—or worse, facing consequences for my decision.
When I was a child in the ’80s, it was common for kids as young as five to roam their neighborhoods, playing freely until sunset. I remember being allowed to hang out in our apartment complex, riding my bike and visiting friends without a second thought. Parents trusted each other and their children.
Fast forward three decades, and parents now face calls to Child Protective Services for letting their tweens walk to the park alone, while others are penalized for leaving their kids in a car for a moment while they dash into a convenience store. What on earth has changed?
I understand the importance of being cautious. Not all parents are as attentive, and not every child is ready for independence at the same age. Some parents are truly neglectful. However, the negligent few are just that—a small minority. It’s unfair that responsible, loving parents feel so scrutinized for their choices. This pressure is both agonizing and stifling.
It’s also crucial to recognize that each situation is unique, as are the children involved. What may work for one child may not be suitable for another. Therefore, we must avoid generalizing and allow parents to make decisions they believe are best for their children.
Ultimately, I did leave my 5-year-old at home for a grand total of seven minutes (I timed it) while I escorted his brother to school. I ensured his iPad was set for texting and gave him a stern lecture about not opening the door for anyone, even if they claimed to be me. As I walked my son to the intersection, I glanced back at our house every few seconds. After confirming my older son crossed the street safely, I hurried back home, where I found my little one still focused on his iPad, coughing softly.
I knew nothing would go awry, and I was sure it was a sensible decision. Yet, I had to swear my kids to secrecy about it—what a ridiculous state of affairs we’ve come to!
How can I raise resilient, independent children if I can’t allow them to experience age-appropriate freedom? How can I feel confident as a parent when every decision feels like it’s under a microscope, subject to judgment and potential repercussions for making common-sense choices? I might not have all the answers, but I refuse to let that deter me from making the best decisions I can, assessing each situation individually and responding with thoughtfulness. I believe every good parent deserves the same freedom.
In summary, leaving my 5-year-old alone for a brief period was a calculated decision based on my understanding of my child’s abilities and our circumstances. While society may judge, the reality is that each situation must be evaluated on its own merits. Resources like this article can provide more insights, and for those considering home insemination, you can find excellent information at Cleveland Clinic or this guide.