Menu: Parenting
By Jordan Mitchell
Updated: Aug. 6, 2020
Originally Published: November 24, 2016
Recently, I engaged in a conversation with friends who are preparing to send their high school seniors off to college this fall. We discussed the emotional challenges of empty nest syndrome, the stress of selecting a major, and the financial burden of tuition fees. As someone who is still years away from facing this reality with my eldest child, I’ve found these discussions to be quite enlightening.
One friend shared that her child is starting college as an undecided major. To be honest, I found this hard to grasp. Reflecting on my own experience at 18, I can’t imagine telling my parents, “I’m not sure what I want to do… I’ll figure it out while living in my cozy dorm.” While I had a clear ambition to become a nurse, I also understood the financial implications for my family, which motivated me to complete my degree on time.
Although I can’t fully comprehend the emotional toll I’ll experience when I drop my son off at his dorm, I’ve come to terms with the financial investment required for his education. We will have our daughter following a few years later. Essentially, the choice comes down to funding two college degrees or purchasing a new Tesla every year for eight years. While I would prefer the Teslas, my commitment as a responsible adult leads me to prioritize my children’s education.
My partner and I established college savings accounts shortly after our children were born. We agreed early on that we would cover their higher education costs, inspired by the support we received from our families during our own college journeys. In addition to saving diligently each month, we have invested any monetary gifts our children have received since birth. Fortunately, our financial planning has resulted in substantial college funds.
However, while we are willing to bear the financial burden of their education, this comes with a crucial stipulation: our children must have a clear plan for their future before we invest in their college tuition. I refuse to finance a four-year journey of self-discovery filled with parties and weekend getaways. My partner and I have worked tirelessly for over a decade to save, and I won’t allow a wishy-washy teenager to squander that effort.
When I express my concerns to friends, they chuckle and liken me to the overly invested father from the film Some Kind of Wonderful. In that movie, the father meticulously plans his son’s business college path, much to the dismay of his artistic child. Ultimately, the son uses his college fund for diamond earrings and a date with the most popular girl, leaving the father questioning his approach.
Yet, I am not that father. I do not intend to impose a specific career path on my children, nor will I live vicariously through their experiences. What I’m saying is that while I may have the financial capability to fund my child’s education, I won’t enable him to waste that opportunity. I’m more than willing to support him, but he must have a definitive vision for his future.
Many young people today are afforded the luxury of “finding themselves” without being held to higher expectations. A trend of leniency in parenting has contributed to a sense of entitlement among the younger generation. My children are not entitled to my financial support any more than I am entitled to dictate their career choices. It is essential for both parties to collaborate to ensure that the outcome is a meaningful educational experience, beneficial in the real world.
As college approaches for us, we will help our children explore their identities long before they begin utilizing our hard-earned savings. We will engage in ongoing discussions about their aspirations, desired living locations, and what brings them joy. I will take them to college campuses and share stories of my own college experiences.
I will certainly do my best to hold back tears as I assist him in unpacking his belongings in a tiny, overpriced dorm room. I assure you, my tears will stem from missing him, not from regret over not buying that Tesla. Mostly.
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Summary:
The author expresses a commitment to fund their children’s college education but emphasizes the importance of having a clear plan for their future before making that financial investment. They reflect on their own upbringing and the lessons learned from their supportive families, stressing the need for responsibility and collaboration in achieving meaningful educational outcomes.
Keyphrase: college tuition responsibility
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