Parenting can often feel like navigating through a stormy sea, and I find solace in the structure that rules provide. They help organize the chaos and serve as a guide through the challenges of raising children. By establishing and adhering to rules that align with my parenting philosophy, personal values, and common sense, I’ve managed to maintain a semblance of order in my household.
In high-pressure situations, rules become my anchor. For example, if a baby is crying uncontrollably, the protocol is simple: nurse, burp, swaddle, sway, and repeat. When a preschooler resists bedtime, I explain the concept of exhaustion and allow them to stay up with a light and books until they can no longer manage. If my fifth grader neglects homework, the consequence is a ban on screen time until it’s completed. And if I’ve been up twice at night due to nightmares, I know it’s time to wake my partner — he understands it’s his turn. Rules are essential for my sanity, and I expect them to be respected.
However, parenting three daughters aged 5, 11, and 14 complicates things. Each child has different needs and boundaries, resulting in an environment where rules are frequently tested. One child may require reminders about limiting screen time, while another needs to be gently reminded to communicate respectfully. My youngest needs clear rules for everyday activities, such as not drawing on walls with permanent markers and understanding the necessity of bath time. I firmly believe that boundaries are crucial for teaching children self-care, safety, kindness, honesty, and respect.
While my daughters are aware of the expectations set for them and accept the consequences when they fall short, I, too, have my expectations. They rely on my consistency in enforcing rules and values. They anticipate clear distinctions between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. However, I must admit that it would be misleading to say my children follow these rules cheerfully and without resistance — that would be disingenuous.
I don’t create arbitrary rules to frustrate my children, yet they still break them from time to time. This leads to moments of disarray for me. When rules are violated, I find myself questioning my parenting choices and wondering if I might be too stringent. This is particularly true with my teenager, whose resistance leaves me feeling perplexed. The rules that have served us well in the past, crafted to ensure her safety and foster good character, now seem to be losing their effectiveness. Instead, she challenges my reasoning, pushes against boundaries, and staunchly defends her stance.
For instance, she questions why she must go to bed at 10 p.m. if she feels alert and still has homework to finish. While her argument isn’t entirely unreasonable, it raises the question of whether she should have the ability to modify or disregard the rules. If she chooses to ignore them, is that enough to warrant a consequence from me, or is the fatigue she’ll experience the next day a sufficient lesson? More importantly, it’s evident that she values being heard more than simply avoiding punishment. I appreciate her determination to voice her thoughts, even if it disrupts my comfort.
I don’t want to impose rules simply for the sake of compliance; my goal is for my daughter to adhere to them because they resonate with her values and character, reflecting the good person she is becoming.
Could it be time to reassess the rules? Just contemplating this notion makes me uneasy. I’m reluctant to relinquish the guidelines that have long defined my parenting approach. Adjusting the rules could mean relinquishing some control, suggesting my daughter is reaching a stage of independence where she no longer requires my oversight. While this realization is bittersweet, it’s a necessary part of her growth, as she will eventually establish her own set of principles to live by.
In the meantime, I continue to enforce several non-negotiable rules: no cleats on the wooden floors, no watching R-rated films, no boys in each other’s rooms, don’t disturb my workspace, and yes, we must exchange goodnight kisses, regardless of the circumstances. Why? Because I love my children…and I value structure.
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In summary, while rules are a fundamental aspect of my parenting approach, navigating the complexities of growing children requires flexibility and a willingness to adapt. As my daughters develop, I strive to balance maintaining structure while also fostering their independence.
Keyphrase: Parenting rules and structure
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