As the school year commenced, the excitement of new backpacks and pristine uniforms quickly waned, giving way to a somber atmosphere in our home. It has been just 13 days since school started, and I’m already eagerly awaiting Thanksgiving—our first significant break (74 days away, to be exact). By the eighth day, I had exhausted all lunch ideas. On the tenth day, we overslept. By the twelfth day, I even floated the idea of homeschooling just so we could enjoy a little extra sleep past 6:15 AM. My suggestion was met with silence and blank expressions, leading to its swift dismissal.
As I waited in the pick-up line on day 13, I found myself reminiscing about our carefree summer days filled with late mornings, spontaneous beach trips, and s’mores in the backyard. I longed for the sand that once coated my car’s floor mats and the visual of surfboards wedged between the seats. I preferred a washing machine full of swimsuits and rashguards over the polo shirts adorned with our school’s crest.
However, as soon as the car doors opened, my children hurried into their seats and immediately began to bicker—throughout the entire 20-minute journey home. It hit me like a ton of bricks that summer wasn’t the idyllic dream I had envisioned. In reality, by week four of summer, I had tearfully called my partner, contemplating selling my own blood to fund a camp—any camp—because the relentless arguing had escalated to a breaking point. If bickering over trivial matters were an Olympic event, my kids would undoubtedly secure gold medals.
Here are 29 of the countless ridiculous topics my children argue about:
- Which juice glass is more impressive.
- The debate over whether they argue too much.
- Who is “out” in games of Gaga, butts-up handball, or Nerf wars.
- The ownership of a sock lying on the floor.
- Any subject based on personal opinions.
- Any subject based on factual information.
- Who greeted the neighbor first.
- The scheduled arrival time of Grandma and Grandpa.
- The actual arrival time of Grandma and Grandpa.
- Who got the first hug from Grandma and Grandpa.
- The method of emptying the dishwasher (spoiler: neither excels).
- The art of scooping dog waste.
- Who last fed the dog.
- The size comparison of their tortoises.
- Who gets the last of any snack.
- Who claims the first portion of anything.
- The details of last night’s dinner.
- The order of sunscreen application at the beach.
- Whether the new Maroon 5 song is overplayed.
- The quickest route to school.
- Who initiated “it.”
- Who gets priority for the treadmill versus the elliptical in the garage (because sharing is not an option).
- Who gets to unlock the car door.
- Who gets to unlock the front door.
- Who neglected to close the car door.
- Who forgot to close the front door.
- Slurpee versus McFlurry debate.
- Who welcomed Dad home first.
- Who welcomed Dad home first yesterday.
As I contemplate the 74 days that stand between now and Thanksgiving, each passing moment feels increasingly drawn out, and the thought of preparing lunches has never seemed more appealing.
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Summary:
This article humorously outlines the absurd things children often argue about, illustrating the frustrations faced by parents as they navigate daily disputes. The author reflects on the stark contrast between the idyllic summer memories and the reality of school-related tensions, while also encouraging readers to explore related posts on home insemination and fertility resources.
Keyphrase: absurd disputes children argue about
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