My mother’s youthful spirit seems at odds with her aging body. On sunny afternoons, she twirls alone in the living room, the music of the Bee Gees blaring loud enough to be heard by the neighbors. She dreams of globetrotting, devouring books, and perhaps mastering a new language someday. Yet, her primary fixation is on her appearance.
In many ways, my nearly 80-year-old mother remains a teenager at heart. However, her body tells a different story. I ponder how our bodies transform over time. I observe my friend Laura’s mother, who, though only a few years younger than mine, engages in lively discussions about current events, sports, and local lore. Meanwhile, my own mother struggles with distractions, misplacing items like keys, cash, and even her car, occasionally forgetting her own address.
What she doesn’t forget is her ideal weight. No conversation passes without her mentioning her latest diet, excitedly sharing that she had a mere leaf of lettuce or a small slice of cheese for lunch.
For as long as I can remember—many years, I might add—my mother has been on a continuous quest for weight loss. She might shed a couple of pounds, only to succumb to the allure of desserts and comforting meals, declaring, “Forget it! I’m too old for this,” as she helps herself to seconds. Yet, the very next day, she’ll be back to her dieting vows, insisting how health-conscious she is, despite her frequent tumbles on the bike that leave her bruised for weeks.
Living far away means I can’t visit often, but during our sporadic reunions, I prepare for her familiar scrutiny upon our first glance. “You look fantastic,” she’ll say on good days, but more frequently I hear, “Oh, you’re dressed so casually,” to which my father would chime in that I’m on a road trip and should prioritize comfort.
She doesn’t realize—or doesn’t remember—that she speaks to me this way. Over the phone, she expresses how much she misses me and how enjoyable our time together can be. However, it can also feel disheartening. I can’t help but worry about how my mother envisions herself as having a Marilyn Monroe figure, even at her age. When do women truly say, “Enough is enough” and mean it? As I approach my mid-40s, I find myself pondering the same question.
I wonder when I will stop equating my worth with clothing sizes. I wonder if I will ever forget that my younger self weighed less. Am I destined to follow my mother’s pattern of behavior? Will I always yearn to shed those extra pounds without genuine effort?
Weight is a complex topic, yet it holds little significance in the grand scheme. I don’t want to be remembered solely for my weight or the comparison of my youthful figure to my older self. This seems to matter immensely to my mother, and I find myself torn about how to respond. Some days, I encourage her, saying, “You can do it, Mom,” while on others, I wish I could shout, “Who cares? Enjoy your food; you’ve earned it!”
And she has. My mother worked tirelessly throughout her life, navigating through illness, family dramas, and raising three spirited children. She managed bills, provided support when needed, and even drove elderly neighbors to the grocery store and church, often without enough cash for gas. She deserves a slice of cake—with extra frosting. She deserves to feel good about herself.
Like a teenager, no amount of reassurance will change her mindset. She won’t absorb those affirmations. But I do. I hear the words I wish I could say to her, and I apply them to myself. I remind myself that indulging in a piece of cake doesn’t diminish my value. I remind myself that my worth isn’t defined by the size of my clothing but by the memories I create—both past and present. Life is about experiences, about dancing freely to music that’s just a bit too loud for the neighbors.
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In summary, both my mother and I grapple with our perceptions of weight and self-worth, reflecting broader societal pressures. Our relationship with food and body image is intricate, yet it ultimately underscores the importance of cherishing life’s moments over numerical values.
Keyphrase: weight and self-worth
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