I came across a post on social media recently, from an old acquaintance, Jake, who has developed a passion for marathons and motivational speaking. I should have anticipated his enthusiasm, but I was still taken aback when he announced the name of his newborn child alongside a photo of their local birthing center. He captioned it with something like, “[Partner] absolutely nailed it!” and shared another picture of the family — his partner perfectly made up, the baby donned in frilly attire, all with the caption “About an hour afterward!”
A wave of frustration washed over me, prompting me to comment, “Congrats! Can’t believe she had time for makeup and a dressed baby just one hour post-delivery!”
To which Jake replied, “This pic was more like 90 minutes.”
It’s no secret that social media often presents an idealized version of life, and that perfectly curated image with ruffles and makeup doesn’t tell the complete story. It took me a moment to pinpoint my discomfort. Sure, dress your newborn in white lace an hour after birth and adorn yourself with a full face of makeup. The more holistic side of me wonders if you are missing out on invaluable bonding time, but that wasn’t the main issue. What really struck a nerve was the term “nailed it,” particularly when paired with a boast about a natural birth. You don’t “nail” childbirth.
The reason you cannot “nail” a natural birth is that such language stems from a competitive mindset. You “nail” a job interview, you “nail” a performance. But birth is a natural process — not a contest. If you can ‘conquer’ birth, then it implies that birth can, in fact, defeat you.
I genuinely believe that Jake’s partner performed admirably during her natural childbirth. But what if she had requested an epidural? What if she expressed doubts or asked for a transfer to a hospital? These are common scenarios during natural birth. Pushing out a baby is undeniably painful, and if one can “nail” natural childbirth, does that mean they experienced none of those challenges?
Moreover, the implication that one can “nail” natural childbirth suggests that other forms of delivery are somehow inferior. All forms of childbirth are natural because they result in the birth of a baby, regardless of the method. If we assume Jake refers to natural childbirth in its traditional sense, excluding medication, then what about those who choose or need medication? Does that diminish their experience? If a C-section is required, does that mean they didn’t “nail” it? No one has a flawless experience, and the reality is that childbirth can be complicated and unpredictable.
Consider the mother whose child is admitted to the NICU, or the one who is induced due to gestational diabetes, or the woman who has a home birth yet experiences intense pain. Did they “nail” their births?
Consider my own experience: I was transferred from a birthing center due to severe pain. The midwife had dismissed my husband’s concerns, thinking I could handle it, but I was dehydrated and needed medical intervention when I arrived at the hospital. After receiving an epidural, I was able to sleep for the first time in 48 hours. However, I pushed for three hours and delivered a healthy baby boy, but not without trauma. It was a harrowing experience, yet also remarkable.
So, did I “nail” childbirth?
I refuse to accept that my labor was categorically inferior to someone else’s traditional natural birth experience. Every woman is equally brave and capable in her own right. Labor is a grueling journey that leaves us exhausted, yet we emerge with a profound sense of achievement. When we frame childbirth as a competition, it diminishes the experiences of all mothers. Let’s keep the rivalry of “mommy wars” out of the delivery room.
To shift this narrative, we need to change our language. Instead of saying someone “crushed” their birth, let’s say they “rocked” it, or had a magical experience, or simply did their best. The real achievement is giving birth, not whether or not medication was involved.
In conclusion, childbirth is a profoundly personal experience and should not be reduced to competition. Every birth story is valid, whether it involves a planned C-section or a natural water birth. We all deserve recognition for the journey we undergo.
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Summary
Childbirth should not be viewed as a competition. Every woman’s journey is unique, and it is important to celebrate all experiences without diminishing anyone’s story. The focus should be on the health and joy of welcoming a new life, rather than the method of delivery.
Keyphrase: childbirth experience
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