Dear Creator of Stick Figure Family Car Decals,
As I pause at yet another traffic light, I am met with the spectacle of the car ahead, which proudly displays its occupants: a summer spent in the Hamptons, a love for the family dog, and a child who excels academically at a prestigious private school. How delightful for them!
Thanks to your rather thoughtless invention, I can now gather a plethora of details about them: Their names are Vanessa, her husband is Mark, their child is Liam, and their dog is named Baxter. Vanessa enjoys gourmet cooking, Liam is an aspiring soccer player, and Mark seems rather fond of his smartphone. And lo and behold, they are expecting a new addition—a girl this time!
I must implore you to reconsider the impact of these decals on our roads. We all know the specifics I am referring to. Rather than diving into discussions about appropriate sticker placement, let’s put an end to this juvenile trend. It has persisted for far too long and seems to target exhausted parents who have lost their grip on sensible decision-making.
It’s not merely an eyesore; it can be downright dangerous. Yes, dangerous! This information is a gift to those with ill intentions. Imagine a scenario where a stranger tailgates, armed with personal insights about you and your family. “Hello, I’m Lisa, a single mom with a penchant for overpriced coffee while my son Jake plays video games. Feel free to follow me home—my guard dog is just a plush toy!”
This is reckless behavior. I understand that you sought a niche in a saturated market, and indeed, you succeeded in cornering the family vehicle segment—kudos! I hope this venture has proven lucrative for you, perhaps allowing you to sip cocktails on a sun-soaked beach. It would only add insult to injury if this were a mere hobby, with profits funneled to a cat shelter in a remote location.
A vehicle should symbolize maturity and independence. After navigating the challenges of marriage and parenthood, relinquishing oneself to the minivan is already a humbling experience. Do you believe women relish being defined by their procreation capabilities through stick figures? We understand the chaos that resides within: a frazzled parent clad in yoga pants, likely sporting unkempt hair and a plethora of snack remnants scattered throughout the car. Why would anyone want to advertise such a reality?
On the topic of questionable automotive decor, I wonder if you have any connection to other dubious trends like Truck Nutz or Car Lashes? The creators of these items seem to align with your brand of creativity! Additionally, I am curious about your identity. If you are male, is this an inside joke? If female, what were you thinking?
In closing, while I may harbor some envy for your financial success, I cannot condone your invention. You have inadvertently contributed to a societal nuisance that ranks alongside unlimited soda refills and questionable fashion choices.
So, kindly take your Stick Figures and place them where they truly belong.
Best regards,
Dr. Emily Carter