A Message to Men: Don’t Expect Us to Go Down If You Won’t

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Dear Gentlemen,

Let’s address a glaring issue: your stance on oral sex may be influenced by high-profile opinions, such as the one shared by musician Jason Rivers, who recently stated that he refuses to perform oral sex on his partner. Yet, he expects her to reciprocate because, in his words, he’s “the king” and there are “special rules” for men. This mindset is not just outdated but downright baffling.

On behalf of all women everywhere, let me just say: what on earth?

Now, we’re not arguing that oral sex is obligatory. Just as we don’t owe you oral pleasure, you aren’t required to give it to us. However, if you wish for us to be enthusiastic about going down on you, it’s only fair that you return the favor. RE.CIP.RO.CATE. Yes, please say that word aloud and emphasize it—because it is crucial. You cannot expect your partner to do something for you if you refuse to offer the same in return.

If you’re hesitant due to lack of experience or concern about your skills, let’s work through it together. Many of us are more than willing to guide you, and the learning process will be enjoyable for both of us. When you learn what we enjoy, trust me, the rewards will be mutual—more than likely leading to a delightful experience for you as well.

However, if your reluctance stems from issues like odor or taste but you still demand oral pleasure for yourself—then, my friend, it’s time to rethink your approach. You might want to consider that we could easily voice similar concerns about your own hygiene. Anyone who has ventured near a man’s groin knows that “Eau de Testicle” is a very real phenomenon. So, spare us the complaints about feminine scent. Sure, we all appreciate a clean slate, and we’re happy to freshen up before things heat up, but don’t expect us to engage after a long day without showering—especially if you’re going to wrinkle your nose at our natural aroma.

It’s important to remember that you have your own unique taste and fluids (yes, even before things get steamy), and let’s not forget about those pubes that might find their way into our mouths. Just as you have your reasons for abstaining, we could just as easily mirror those. So, to imply that we owe you something simply because you possess a penis is not just unfair—it’s downright inappropriate.

We’re not suggesting a strict exchange rate—like giving a gift and expecting one in return every single time. But you can’t flat-out refuse to provide oral pleasure and then insist it’s your birthright to receive it. That’s not how it works.

If you’re not inclined to reciprocate, that’s your choice. But don’t give us that “how about a BJ” look when you’re unwilling to take a trip downtown yourself. Remember, the journey to pleasure is a two-way street.

For more insights into parenting and relationships, check out our articles on navigating intimacy and communication here. Also, if you’re exploring options for starting a family, you may want to consider resources like this excellent guide on intrauterine insemination. And for couples looking for tools on their fertility journey, discover our couples fertility journey.

In summary, if you expect to receive, you must be willing to give. It’s all about balance and mutual pleasure in any intimate relationship.